


Summer Lights

by juliana_hamilton



Category: benedict cumberbatch rpf - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-13 03:55:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 38,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18024176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juliana_hamilton/pseuds/juliana_hamilton
Summary: Set in the months before BC traveled to teach in Nepal, this is a summer romance between our boy and an older woman. The story takes place at a sleep-away camp in the Midwest, USA.





	1. Start of the Season

**Author's Note:**

> A first attempt at Real Person Fiction, pardon my indulgence. Not beta'd, just posting took more courage than I expected. Of course, this is a complete work of fiction, I do not own or claim any personal knowledge of BC, just a fangirl. Comments and feedback are welcome!

Chapter 1: Start of the Season

I was 23. He was 17. And my God, he was beautiful.

“Jenna? Jenna! Are you in there?” the intercom on my office phone seemed ridiculously loud as Mike screamed into his receiver. Picking up the phone I shushed him before he lost his mind.

“Mike, calm down, I’m right here…..what‘s the problem?” Though technically my boss, my dear friend Mike Jensen, Summer Camp Director for Camp Zephyr, always ran like the Energizer Bunny: loud, fast, busy, frantic. We were two days from the start of Staff Training, two days and one week to the start of the 1993 summer camp season and it was our crunch time. In exactly nine days, hundreds of kids and their parents would step onto our property expecting the experience of a lifetime. Mike and I were up to our ears in prep work, and I work better in a calm, focused atmosphere, while he embodies chaos and mayhem. Still, we were a good team.

“J, I forgot, the Internationals come in tonight. Someone needs to be at the airport to pick them up by 6:30. Can you go? If you leave now, you can fuel the van and make it there in plenty of time.” Mike was almost pleading. “I’ll throw you a couple extra hours comp time next week if you take care of this for me….”

“Oh, for crying out loud, yes, I can do it,” I turned away from my computer and the training schedule I was putting final touches on, shutting it down. I was already scheduled to spend most of the weekend with our International Counselors, there was just going to be an earlier start than expected….because Mike never writes anything down and over commits to stuff….this is me being surprised. I half-laugh, half-huff in an exaggerated fashion as I stop by his office to grab the van keys. Good thing we’ve been friends for, oh how about forever? Since we were twelve or so. I do love him though he drives me nuts.

I blew him a kiss as I walked out of the office, and headed across the grounds to the employee parking lot. This would be our third summer leading the program together. Third and last, actually. We each had a to-do list a mile long. But it was so worth it, every second was work worth doing, with people even more worthy. And the big reward at the end of this summer? Mike was stepping down, leaving Camp in my capable hands. We were always a good team, he and I, but he was getting on with his life, something about a girlfriend back in Indiana and getting a ‘real’ job…

After stopping for fuel, I put the van on the expressway headed south and turned the radio on nice and loud…”I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…” Meatloaf’s dramatic sound filled the van with angst and guitars. I’m kind of a classic rock chick myself, I was in a band in college for awhile. As I drove towards the airport I thought with excitement about the weeks to come. You see, I am about as upstanding and moral as they come, I love our camp, the good work we do, the difference we make in the lives of children.

But I do have a small, dark secret. Each summer I find a young man, someone new to the camp staff, someone I can, um...well, train up? Give some life experiences? In a not-so-clean-and-moral way….My own bit of fun, I guess. And no harm done, none of ‘my boys’ has ever complained, in fact we are all on great terms and keep in touch regularly. 

I was really looking forward to meeting this year’s staff and getting to know them. Since Mike and I did all the interviews we knew something about our counselors already, but the Internationals were always a surprise, screened by the larger Camp Association and assigned according to need, well, we just never knew who we were going to get. All I knew was eight males and seven females ages 17-22 from places like Australia, Spain, England, Germany, Columbia, and New Zealand were flying in from New York tonight and it was my job to make them welcome. I was absolutely looking forward to seeing Molly and Georges, two returning counselors from last year. They had done a fabulous job last summer and we’re acting as ‘mentors’ to the newbies. Molly was the first out of the gate at the airport, flying into my arms with her loud, lovely self.

“Jenna-Jenna-Jenna-Jenna, my LOOOOOOOVE!!! I am so bloody happy to see your gorgeous face!!” She almost knocked me down with her enthusiastic welcome. Mols has this way of making everyone around her feel like a superstar. Her thick red braid whipped around and smacked me in the shoulder as she turned around to her companions and bellowed out, “THIS IS JENNA! I told you all about her, you will absolutely adore her I promise,’ as she squeezed me in another hug. Georges walked up calmly, took my hand and kissed me on the cheek. 

“Lovely to see you again, sweet Jenna. Thank you for having us back this summer.” I smiled brightly, his English had improved so much and he was no longer shy and uncertain. Camp does amazing things for people. I looked around at the group, knowing we would have to wait for introductions as the airport was a bit of a madhouse. I smiled at our new arrivals and tried to ease their uncertainty.

“Hello everyone, I am so glad you are here with us for the summer. Let’s get your bags and load up the van! This way…” and Molly steps up next to me as we head out to baggage claim and the parking lot. We walk along together chatting about families and mutual friends, until the group heads over to grab their bags from the carousel. 

She leans in and whispers to me, “Just you wait, Jenna, wait till you see what I have brought for you. You are going to love me forever.”


	2. So Very Sweet

Back at camp I dropped the guys off at Cabin 8 and the ladies to Cabin 10. They would move to the bunkhouse in two days for Staff Training, but we had some orientation things to do until then. I asked Molly and Georges to bring them to the dining hall after they were settled in and I would have a snack ready for them. I checked with Mike to make sure he had prepped the campfire in Dark Woods for us, then headed into the kitchen. Turning on the lights, I moved to the walk-in fridge to pull out some snacks.

“Umm,....hello?” A voice from the kitchen surprised me and I dropped the supplies all over the pantry. I looked up into the most amazing pair of eyes I had ever seen….silvery blue-gray with thick auburn lashes. “Oh bloody hell, I am so sorry! I didn’t mean to startle you. Can I help with that?”

Those eyes shocked me into stillness, but the voice jump started my heart. Low and sweet, rich and buttery with a brilliant posh accent. British. My favorite. I smiled and shook my head, calm down now Jenna. Too early for all that! “I thought I was alone, I didn’t expect anyone for at least a half hour,” I laughed. “All settled in?”

He smiled shyly, dimples and creases in his long face just adorable as he ducked his head, “Not much to settle, a bag and sleeping kit. Thought I might make myself useful, so….can I help with that?” he gestured to the food packages on the floor. I nodded, momentarily a bit speechless, and we bent together to gather the dropped snacks. As he reached for two apples that had rolled under the shelf, I noticed long, elegant fingers gracefully cradling the fruit as he stood and moved towards the prep table in the middle of the kitchen. I retrieved a couple of trays and knives from the drawers. I moved to the sink to wash up and he followed me quietly, the boy moves like a cat, smooth and silent. 

“You’re Jenna, right? Molly told us about you. I’m Benny, from England.” He reached out with one dry hand, the other holding the kitchen towel. That smile was back, shy with a duck of his head. I gave him my brightest smile, and took his hand - how could it feel so warm and...nice? I just watched him wash his hands….anyway….

“Nice to meet you, Benny-from-England. Yes, Jenna Harris, US of A. Welcome to Camp Zephyr, I hope you are going to have a great summer with us. Do you want to cut up the fruit and cheese? I can get the cookies and juice ready.” He nodded and set to work, while I slipped around the corner to the dry goods cabinet. I stopped for a moment to calm myself….eyes, smile, accent, hands….boy, am I in trouble. Deep breath, shoulder roll, put on my professional panties and back to work.

We worked quietly together preparing the food, and though it might have been awkward, with two strangers, it was actually comfortable. I heard the door to the dining hall open and voices follow...lots of voices, quite excited actually. It was what I needed to get back in the zone. “Okay, Benny, ready with the tray? Let’s set everything up on the counter and get some cups and plates out. Thank you so much for your help with this.” 

As the new counselors helped themselves to a snack, I leaned back against the prep table and started my observations. Molly winked at me from the other side of the counter, knowing exactly what I was doing. We had worked together closely last summer and I had taught her a lot about working a group, building a community, watching and guiding the dynamic. But I was watching for something else, too, and she knew it. More on that later. So far I noticed three strong personalities, good English skills. Four young ones, standing back and watching, getting cues from their elders. Two quiet, a boy and girl 19 or 20, look Latin, possible language inhibition? Georges and Molly...then the last four, talking quietly, eating snacks and checking out their group and new surroundings. Benny was in the last group, my eyes stopped on him for a moment. 

What a great first impression he made, came down to the Lodge alone, offering to help, polite, friendly and ….oh, freaking gorgeous. Just a moment, Jenna, appreciate what you see for just a moment…  
….curly reddish-brown hair, falling gently over his forehead.   
….tall and thin, a bit gangly with big hands and feet, but seems comfortable in his body, leaning casually up against the counter.  
….smiling again, gesturing with his hands as he tells a story  
….eyes searching the room...looking around carefully as he listens to the girl that is speaking and ….his gaze finds me gawking...I mean, yeah. I give him a little close-mouthed smile and raise my glass of bug juice in a mock toast. 

“Oh, you found him already, didn’t you? Naughty girl! I didn’t even get to introduce you…” Mols gave a fake pouty face and broke into giggles. “I told you, girl. You owe me big time!” She quickly turned away, smacking me yet again with her lethal braid. I was beginning to think she was right, I was going to owe her, big time. But he sort of found me, didn’t he? 

Smiling to myself, I started gathering up the dishes and signaled to Molly and Georges to start the clean-up process with their group. We had a campfire to get to!


	3. The Dark Woods

I stepped out of the kitchen and clapped my hands twice. “Okay, everyone! Follow me, time for your first Zephyr Campfire. Don’t forget your sweatshirts and don’t you dare use those flashlights!”

Voices erupted, “Flashlight? What’s a flashlight?” “I think she means a torch…” “Why not? It’s crazy dark out there…”

Georges laughed loudly and said, “Everyone just calm down. Jenna’s a real nature girl. She wants you to use your ‘night vision’ or something. Just hold hands and you’ll be fine.” The group filed out the door of the dining hall and into the drive next to the Lodge. Under the floodlight they lined up and grasped hands, most were smiling but a couple looked terrified. ‘City kids’ I thought to myself with a giggle. I walked down the line and had a few switch places, alternating those who looked comfortable with those who were nervous. Double checking my placements, and their expressions I noticed the comfort level increasing. Walking backward to the head of the line, I spoke to the group. “We are about to enter the Dark Woods. Dark because it contains the oldest tree growth on camp and the thickest forested area. If we are quiet, and very, very lucky we may have the good fortune of experiencing southern Ohio’s finest raptor, Zephyr’s very own Great-Horned Owl. Keep your eyes and ears open, let’s go!” I grabbed the hand of the person at the front of the line and started down the trail.

Slowly, we walked into the darkness. About 50 yards in, I slowed down and paused, allowing them time to adjust to the shadows. The hand in mine was soft and warm, holding mine gently with long fingers wrapped around my smaller palm. “Hi Benny,” I said in a whisper. He gently squeezed my hand and leaned towards me, and oh. I could smell him, though I couldn’t see. Clean shampoo, chocolate chip cookie, spicy deodorant. Damn. Did he have any idea how difficult he was making this? But I won’t lie, I love every exciting minute of it. Every time.

Making our way slowly down the trail, I reveled in the fact that this is my life. I have been walking these trails more than half my life, I could do so blindly. Shortly we would cross the bridge over Bannon Creek, then around the bend to the fire circle. The group was quiet behind me, shuffling feet and muffled whispers. I was careful not to lead too fast and let them adjust to the shadowy darkness. Just before the wooden bridge I stopped and let the counselors behind me catch up. In a quiet, yet purposeful voice, I said, “Thank you, everyone for being so brave! Many of you come here to Zephyr from thousands of miles away to share new experiences and make great memories. Tonight you begin to ‘know’ Camp. Take a moment to pause, breath, and look around you. Listen. What do you see? What do you hear?”

After a moment or two, I heard a voice say quietly, “I hear water trickling, is there a stream nearby?” Australian accent, female. Then another, “I can see the ground is lighter than the trees, and clouds blocking the moon.” Spanish accent, male, young. Finally from just behind me, “I hear a breeze in the trees, leaves rustling,...and autos? Can that be right?” Benny. God, that voice is like velvet in the dark.

I chuckled softly, “Yes, very good. We are only 3 miles from the Interstate. Isn’t it amazing how sound travels, what we can notice when we take the time? This summer you will share these types of moments with hundreds of children, make sure you appreciate them for yourself as well.” I then started down the trail again, knowing they were more comfortable and able to move a bit more quickly. As we stepped on to the bridge the noises of feet on wooden planks seemed to roar through the quiet forest. As the shrubs and undergrowth brushed our legs, I saw the fire Mike had built come into view. As the counselors walked they noticed it too and began to talk excitedly. Everyone loves a good campfire.

Mike was waiting for us, as soon as we entered the clearing he began talking loud and fast, breaking our peaceful night hike mood. But that was Mike, and a good lesson for our new staff if they were paying attention. Mike and I were a good team, and so very different. Good leaders in completely different ways. “Hey everyone! So glad to see you tonight, come have a seat around the fire!” As each person settled in on the wooden benches, Mike started talking about the importance of their jobs this summer and ways that we would be working with them to help ease their transition and make them feel at home. “Jenna, do you have a song for us?” I stood and took the center of the circle just behind the fire and started out with my favorite camp song, leading and getting the young adults involved until everyone was being loud and silly. 

Next, Mike asked each new arrival to stand and introduce themselves, we played a name game, sang a couple more songs and ended with a story. I closed the evening’s event with a reminder that Mike and I had just demonstrated what they would be doing all summer long with group after group of excited kids. I asked them to think about what they might need to to work on in order to be a good counselor and friend to these children. We closed with announcements and tomorrow’s schedule, which included breakfast and a group challenge course, crafts and some free time to rest or do laundry. 

Walking back to the cabins, our new group seemed relaxed and much more comfortable than when they entered the forest. Camp works its magic yet again.

As I returned to my cabin, a duplex I share with Mike, my thoughts are filled with the excitement of a new summer and the long line of tasks on my to-do list. Stepping into my kitchen I grab my cigarettes and move out to the back deck. The end of another perfect day at camp, as I light up and take a deep pull, I am filled with gratitude for the opportunity to live and work here. I watch the night mist roll across the open field behind my house and let my thoughts drift…

Eyes like moonstone, soft and sweet shy smile, long warm fingers holding mine. Oh yes, this was going to be a very good summer.


	4. And so it begins...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are warming up, time to earn that rating.

A week and half later and Molly and I are enjoying a cup of coffee in the dining hall after the counselors and first batch of campers head out for morning activities. Technically, we are ‘working’, debriefing the Internationals arrival and progress. In reality, we are both desperately in need of a break and chat between girls. We have about a half hour, then we will head out on observational check-ins, making sure all is well this most important first week of the summer. 

“Last week’s training was crazy, love!” Molly sips her coffee and turns her warm brown eyes on me. “You were really fantastic with the planning and activities this year. I felt like we were on the run the entire week, but the atmosphere was perfect, we all couldn’t wait to see what was coming next.”

I smiled as I pushed my brown hair behind my ears. She was right, we kept a punishing pace, but so is a week of summer camp. Doing by design, I call it. “Thanks, Molly, we have a great team this year. Everyone seems really excited. I am looking forward to our walk this morning, I am sure we will see some fantastic stuff going on out there.”

“He’s out at the Lake this morning, ya know, if you wanted to go there first….” She winks at me and punches my shoulder. Hard. 

“Ow! Molly, stop abusing me. I feel beat up enough as it is. Some sleep wouldn’t hurt me right now….and whatever do you mean ‘he’...” I tried, I really did, but every time I think about Benny I just light up. 

I really want to give him time to settle in, before...whatever this is going to be. I want him to be comfortable, to see if maybe there isn’t some other young lady on staff he might want to get to know. I am a lot to handle, I know this. I work like a dog, I am older, wiser and much more experienced...all these reasons for keeping my distance. None of them are working.

“Shut up, Jenna. Your eyes tell a different story. I say his name and you light up like Sydney Harbour. Girl, you’ve got it bad. But I have a little secret for you.” She leans in close, though we are alone in the Lodge. “Pretty sure its mutual.” She winks and blows me a raspberry.

“Yeah? What makes you think so, Smarty?” I got up and walked over to the coffee machine for a refill, mostly because I didn’t want her to see the smile her words brought to my lips.

“Well, let’s see. The way his jaw dropped when you got out of the pool last Thursday. His eyes find and follow you every time we’re all together. Oh! And he’s sooooo helpful, right? Always offering to help you with whatever you need. He doesn’t seem to offer his help to any of the other directors quite as much….” Molly rolled her eyes. “Shit, girl. Make your move. He’s a tasty one, what are you waiting for?”

I hold my coffee cup in both hands, and stare off into space. I think about what it would be like to run my fingers through his hair, press myself against his lean body, listen to him say...well, just about anything. She’s right, the time is now. I can’t lie to her and tell her I haven’t noticed his eyes on me. That he always seems to be in the right place when I need help carrying or moving supplies. But Lord almighty. Seventeen. So young, so perfect. I realize I am worried about damaging his perfection. I shake my head and say to Molly, “ You are right, but get out of my head, woman. There’s not room for the three of us in here!” 

After dinner that night I sit on my deck and smoke and think about how to initiate this with him. In Britain he is old enough to consent, but in the States, 17 is still statutory. And I am sort of his boss, supervisor, whatever. Good news is that he turns 18 in two weeks. (yes, I had a little peek at his file, sue me). I can hear the sounds of evening activities drifting around camp and contentment seeps in. I wonder if I am getting a bit old for this little game of mine. The worst possible outcome would be to lose my job, or to hurt him. Neither would be acceptable to me. So I need to find a way to talk to him about what this is, a summer fling. In August he leaves and we move on. No actual sex until he is of age. Oh God, why do I already feel sad that it will end? I am in deep trouble.

I have a couple hours to myself before Staff Snack so I take a long relaxing shower and take time to pamper myself, which doesn’t happen often. I shave my legs and rub lotion all over my body. It feels good to take care of myself, helps me think more clearly. I have never been all that concerned with how I look, living and working at camp teaches you to accept who you are and love others unconditionally. I gaze in the mirror before getting dressed and assess what I see there, wondering what Benny sees when he looks at me….I have brown hair down past my shoulders, up in a ponytail most days. My skin is clear, and though I am fair-skinned my outdoor job provides healthy color year-round. My eyes are my best feature, I think, gray with dark rings and black lashes. My body is nothing special, kind of average ‘girl-next-door’ I think. I’ve got boobs and hips and a narrow waist, but my legs are short and I jiggle a bit more than I’d like. I know that if I didn’t have such an active job I would be much heavier. But I like what I see in the mirror. It’s a face and body that fits me perfectly, allows me to be genuinely who I am and to do the things that are important to me. 

I grab a pair of jeans and a tank top, dress and put my hair up. It’s camp, if I walk into the Lodge all dolled up with my hair down, everybody will freak out. Though I kind of want to. For him. I’d like to see the look on his face if he saw me in a sexy dress, my hair down straight and smooth, shiny colored lips. I shake my head again, crazy woman. 

Sitting down at the computer, another hour sped by as I caught up on emails and paperwork for the week so far. Tomorrow is cabin overnights then Vespers night. The summer is rolling on.

Walking over to the Lodge a bit later, I heard the whistle indicating the end of Night Swim. Campers will be heading back for showers and SleepChats, a quiet time for campers and their counselors to process their day together and wind down for bed. In about an hour the counselors would drift down to the Lodge for a couple of hours to snack, socialize and be young adults for awhile. Mike and I take it in turns with counselor volunteers to do NightWatch, where we patrol the cabin area, calming down the rowdy cabins and keeping an eye on things. This was my week to patrol, so I stopped in the staff room to see who my counselor partner would be that night. 

Perfect. I couldn’t have planned it better myself. Just to check, I flipped through the pages and saw that Benny had signed up to walk NightWatch with me twice a week all summer. Clever boy. It can be difficult to snag alone time in our busy camp schedule, but this was a great start. As I set the clipboard down, a little shiver went through me as I contemplated what may just be an hour away. Alone with Benny. Talking, walking in the dark, listening to that voice. Watching his face, so open and expressive. Maybe...oh God, I cannot wait to put my hands on him. 

Once again, I force myself to be professional and head into the Dining Hall. Mike was already in the kitchen preparing the snack, rectangle pizza tonight. Who doesn’t love rectangle pizza?? I do feel bad for anyone not growing up in the American public school system that has never had the pleasure of good old institutional rectangle pizza. So Mike yells across the large room, “JENNA! About time, enjoy your hours off?” He smiles at me and wipes his hands on the towel by the sink. “Have time to make up the juice before Nightwatch?” 

I smile back and head towards him to wash my hands. “Of course, you nut. You know as well as I do how much time we have. It’s amazing we even wear watches we are so ingrained with this schedule.”

He hoots loudly, “OOOOWhee, girl, you stink purty!! Whatcha got on, some fancy perfume ‘er sumpin’?” He always thinks his ridiculous country accent is so funny. I snap the wet towel at his back and said, “Watch it, Mister, or I’ll tell you all about my leg hair and how long it was before I shaved it.” 

Predictably, Mike responds with a belly laugh and says, “Well, we are ALL very grateful you finally decided to clean up your act. Now….juice.” and points to the coolers on the shelf. “You good for the budget meeting tomorrow at 10? I want you to be as involved as possible so our September transition is as smooth as molasses.” And just like that he is back to being my best friend, partner and colleague. I grabbed the cooler and juice mix and completed my task on autopilot, having done it so many times before, multiple times a day, actually. My mind drifted once again, thoughts of long, graceful fingers, smooth back muscles, how he might feel under my hands. Humming along with the kitchen radio as I work, I was lost in my own head. Voices crept into my awareness as counselors made their way into the Dining Hall for snack. 

“Hello.” Softly, with a sweet smile I can hear without looking at him, “Can I set that cooler up for you?” Afraid to meet his gaze and give away the excitement and anticipation I was feeling, I nodded and patted his hand,

“That would be great, thank you. Just over there on the counter.” Once again, he appears quietly out of nowhere just when I need him. And boy do I need him. Watching out of the corner of my eyes, I see his shoulder blades flex under his white t-shirt as he lifts the 10 gallon cooler from the sink onto the serving counter. “Do you want to grab a snack before we head out on patrol?”

“No, thank you,” my goodness, he’s ridiculously polite. “I’ll just grab a water bottle, that should do me nicely.” Do you nicely. Watch out, boy, you have no idea….I look him directly in the eye for the first time this evening. His gaze meeting mine, focused and pointed. “Yeah?” Breathy and pitched low. I am rarely at a loss for words, but his eyes hold me like a vise. He leans in just a bit, says even softer, “You smell nice. Coconut?” I take a deep breath and step back, give him a little smirk with one eyebrow lifted. 

“Time to go, Benny. Let’s make sure the campers are snug in their beds.” I turn towards the door, grabbing two water bottles from the side table. As I reach the door, I hear him say…

“With visions of sugarplums…?” and a giggle. And we step out into the hot summer night.

June in southeastern Ohio is warm and humid. Sweat breaks out with the least amount of exertion. Mosquitoes swarm and whine. The air is still and unmoving. But summer at camp in June is the best time of year, lush green jungle-like foliage, lightning bugs and the chirp of a few cicadas add to the soundtrack of summer. It’s a clear night, stars winking and burning from far away, seem closer here at camp than anywhere else. 

Benny and I follow the gravel road down towards the cabins. Two hours with him in the soft summer night, the beginning? Oh I desperately hope so. As our feet crunch the stones beneath us, we chat a bit, warming up to one another. I ask about his campers this week, and I know he’s good at this work by the way he tells stories of the 7 year olds he’s in charge of. He knows these kids already, tells anecdotes about their silly jokes, adventurous pretend games and quiet embarrassment about a bedwetting incident. What lucky kids to have a guy like Benny as counselor, sensitive and playful, energetic and understanding. 

As we reach the loop by Cabin 12, our conversation turns towards my role in running camp. He’s good at questioning, and in the dim lighting from the swimming pool, I see his expression as he listens to me, looking at me, smiling, turning his body my direction. I stop in the middle of a description of mundane tasks such as budget meetings, supply orders and next week’s schedule and notice he’s watching my mouth as I speak. When I stop he looks up into my eyes again, and though it’s dark I can tell we are getting close. Here we go….”Let’s take another lap down by 3, those 11 year olds are a bit rowdy tonight.” He agrees and we step back into our comfortable walk. We stop and talk to two girls on their way back from the bathroom, using the buddy system just as they should, and wish them good night. Cabin 3 seems to have settled down, all the cabins are quiet and dark. The kids are usually pretty tired by this point in the week, so NightWatch is not an unpleasant task. 

“I want to ask you something, Benny, kind of a serious question, actually. Do you mind?” He doesn’t miss a step, but shoves his hands in his pockets, like he’s anxious….”Do you have someone special back in England? Like a girlfriend or….I’m sorry, I know it’s personal. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want…”

“No.” He stops in the middle of the road and turns to face me directly.

“No? As in ‘no girlfriend at home’ or no, you don’t want to answer the question?” I look directly into his eyes. I am not afraid of this part. Before anything can happen between us, we both need to be directly honest. His eyes meet mine, opalescent in the dim light. He purses his lips a bit, then one corner of his mouth (beautiful sculpted lips) lifts in a half smile. “No, no girlfriend or relationship back in England.”

“And what about this summer? Are you looking for something? Anyone you have your eye on?”

“Lots of questions there, Jenna. Can we walk some more?” He seems shy, almost like he is afraid to say anything. “Of course,” I respond, “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” We set our feet on the path again, walking slowly. He takes his hands out of his pockets and looks down at his fingers as they fiddle together. Nervous? Shy? No, something else….

We continue walking, the night air pressing in just a bit. I am not afraid of a little discomfort, it won’t kill either of us, and we have to start somewhere. So I let him figure it out as we walk quietly down the lane. The sounds of the insects, the hum of the vapor lights over at the pool, the scratch of our shoes in the gravel, and he clears his throat. Ah, not nervous, not shy….gathering his courage. We stop in front of a bench by the bathhouse and turn towards one another. 

He drops his hands to his sides, rolls his shoulders back and straight, lifts his eyes (glorious, iridescent eyes) to meet mine and starts to speak. “I came here this summer to experience everything I possibly can. If a...connection happens with someone I am not going to deny it or resist it. I am leaving in August to go to Nepal for a year, I am seventeen, almost eighteen years old, and I don’t want to miss a moment of what life has to offer. All the adventures, people, friendships, even...love. I am open to all of it. Looking for something this summer? Yeah, okay, maybe.” His eyes bore into my soul. How can he be seventeen and speak so eloquently about life and how he wants to live it? Most seventeen year olds are crude and just want to get off. He is a miracle. 

I reach my hand up to his face and run the backs of my knuckles down his smooth cheek. Gorgeous, perfect. “And the last question? Got your eye on anyone yet? You could probably have your pick of the female counselors, they do like looking at you.” I smile up at him. 

“You think so?” His voice drops low and sweet, and he takes just a tiny step into my personal space. He leans his head down toward my neck and takes a deep breath in, “I really like the smell of coconut. Makes me think of sun-warmed skin, salt, sweat and sand.” He takes my hand in both of his and rubs his thumbs in the center of my palm as he whispers in my ear, “Remember the night hike, my first day here?” I nod against him, gently brushing my forehead against his cheek. He says, so quietly I almost can’t hear him, “I can’t remember anything about it at all, honestly,” he huffs a half-laugh, “except the feeling of your hand in mine as you led me into the darkness.” He pulls back from me and gives my hand a squeeze before letting go and stepping back. We both know we have arrived at that moment.

“Jenna, I have not been able to stop thinking about you since I saw you in the airport. So yes, in answer to your question, I do have my eye on someone, but she’s older than me and way out of my league. I’m fairly depressed about the fact that I may have to exist on fantasy alone this entire summer, but at least she’s in front of me throughout each day to fuel my not-quite-so-innocent thoughts about her.”

Holy shit, this boy. He’s like melted chocolate, dark and rich out here in the summer night. And I just want to gobble him up. I step close into his space, our bodies almost, but not quite touching. Lifting my face to his I whisper, “Come with me, now. Please.” Our lips just barely apart. Breathing in each other’s air and scent. I feel dizzy and faint, intoxicated with him. I turn away and walk between two cabins and into the sparsely treed and grassy area beyond. I don’t look behind to see if he follows. I focus on regulating my pounding, thundering heartbeat. Fuck, I am going to kiss the living shit out of him. Until we are both panting with need and want and….I feel him step up behind me, his lips near my ear, “You know, your arse does wicked things to me, Jenna,” a whisper as I let my head fall back onto his shoulder. “I have started to avoid walking behind you so I don’t get embarrassed by the state of my trousers during the course of a normal day.” At that he presses his body to mine and I can feel his hardness in the small of my back. Definitely no question now. 

His hands come to the curve of my waist, and I can’t help but push back into him just a bit, feeling him hard against me, all the evidence I need that this is going exactly as I’d hoped. He exhales hard against my neck as my body pushes back into him. I feel his lips pressed to the point where my neck meets my shoulder, oh! He gives me shivers as he nibbles lightly, lips and teeth and just a bit of wet tongue along my neck and shoulder. This is one of my most sensitive spots and it took him all of a minute to find it and use it to reduce me, I could feel the rush moving through my body and collecting low and sweet between my legs.

I turned to him, placing my hands on either side of his face, his hands still at my waist, squeezing, then fingers brushing along the edge of my waistband and shirt, just barely touching the sensitive skin there. I lift up on my toes, tightening the muscles in my legs and butt as I pull his face down to me. I stare into his eyes as our lips barely touch, I want to see every second of our first kiss. Breath mingles, lips abuzz, he smells like soap and mint gum and, yes, something darker and more primal. Sweat and arousal and private things. And we move together, eyes open, bodies pressed and leaning in, lips touch and sink into each other, so soft, just like I imagined. We open to each other at the very same moment, and when our tongues meet it draws a low moan from him, rumbling up from his chest as he moves one hand to the back of my neck and bends me back, supporting my weight with his hands and we push together from knees to hips to chest to lips. Perfect. Absolutely perfect.

He straightens up and pulls me with him, our lips never parting, and I push up and into him and deepen our kiss, I plunge my tongue into his mouth as I wrap my arms around his neck and push him up against a tree. He tastes of spearmint and juice, with just a hint of...cigarette? I smile into our kiss and think to myself, he is more perfect for me every damn second.

Our tongues dance and swirl and taste as the intensity of our kiss increases exponentially we are both becoming just a bit frantic. Pushing, pulling, eyes closed now as bodies and sensation take over. If this first moment, first kiss, is any indication, the sex will be mind-blowing. And so very sweet. I move to back down the intensity and slow us down a bit. Seventeen. Unbelievable. So passionate and sensitive, and naturally good at this. We are going to have a lovely time. We pull apart reluctantly opening eyes to each other’s hungry gaze. “Oh Benny,” I sighed, “you are exquisite. I am never going to have enough of you.”

He stares at me intently, panting and breathing heavy as I pull him down to sit at the base of ‘our’ tree, where he just snogged me into complete oblivion. I leaned into his shoulder and slid my hand up his thigh as I whispered into his ear, “Don’t worry, honey, we’re going to take care of that in a bit, but we need to talk a little first, is that okay?” His breathing calms a bit as he grabs my hand and puts it directly on his crotch, he shoots me a very direct and focused glare and says, “Do you feel what you do to me? I will do whatever you want, whenever, wherever, however you want. I’m yours, Jen---” as I lean in and pull his lips to mine yet again. Running my hands through his soft hair. He says just the right things. “Yes, I feel it. And I’m going to feel it and touch it and taste it and love you in every way I possibly can before the summer is over. So let’s talk for a bit, yeah?” He takes a deep breath, uses his beautiful hand to readjust himself in his shorts and looks up at me, hair ruffled and face flushed, “Whatever you want, Jenna, any way you want.” God, he is so perfectly lovely. 

“You need to know that we need to keep this secret for a bit. I will work to find every moment possible to be with you, but until you are 18 we need to keep it on the down-low. Otherwise, this could be trouble for the both of us, I could lose my job, and you could be sent back to England.”  
He looks at me sharply, and we both know we have much to lose. “After your birthday, it won’t matter as much and it’s okay if the staff knows we are together. I feel like I need to be honest with you and tell you that I do this every summer, find a young man who turns me on and commit my summer to him and all the...mischief we can get up to. Within the confines of the Summer Camp season, I am monogamous. And I expect the same, yes? But I also think you should know that this will probably be my last summer ‘fling’. For so many reasons, but mostly because I already have feelings for you that outweigh and will outlast my previous summer ‘romances’.” He leans up and presses his lips to mine. 

“Okay, Jenna,” he breathes into me. “I just want to be with you,” he kisses me again, sweetly running his tongue over my upper lip. We kiss for a few moments, softly rubbing lips and tongues and sharing wetness that speaks of beautiful pleasures to come. Come. Soon.

“And Benny” I sigh into his lips, “At the end of the summer you will go to Tibet and teach and experience life, and I will assume leadership of Zephyr and our lives will move on, ….separately. Are you prepared for that?” He wraps his arms around me almost violently and smashes his lips to mine, driving his tongue into my mouth, eliciting a strangled moan from my core. 

“No.” He pulls back and shakes his head, auburn curls flying. “I am not. But if that is what needs to happen, then so be it. I am not a virginal, inexperienced boy, Jenna. I know what I am getting into. And I want it with every piece of my being. I would be foolish to turn down what you are offering me. So let’s cherish every moment we have and let it make us better people.” Once again he wraps me in his long-limbed embrace and I am totally floored by the maturity of his presence. Seventeen my ass.

We roll into each other, grasping, squeezing, pulling,...kisses deep and wet, tongues tangled and fighting for dominance. It was lovely. And hot. And way too much for our first encounter. So once again I slow us down, moving my lips to his cheek and below his ear, leaving a hot wet trail that promises adventures to come. His long, beautiful neck, a mole on the right side that needs my kisses. “So it seems that we need to take care of something before bed…” I run my hand down his flat, leanly muscled chest to his hard, hot length below his belt. 

I pull back from him and give him a small smile. “Do you trust me , Gorgeous?” He shoots me a look, hot-hungry-full of want. 

“Yes, Jenna.” 

I say, “Stand up, you beautiful thing.”

He stands up and adjusts himself, looking at me through thick lashes as he tries, so valiantly to be brave and masculine and...Benny. He’s just so perfectly Benny. I lean into him. Pressing my body against him. He is still hard, it must be getting painful at this point. He needs to be taken care of, and I lean into him and whisper into his ear. “Unzip and touch yourself, Benny. I want to see how you like it. Can you do this for me?” He sags against the tree, breathing hard. His eyes search for me as I watch his hands move to his flies, and unzip his shorts. I breathe into his ear,   
“You know it’s going to take everything I have in me to not touch you. Show me. Show me how you like it…” He reaches into his pants and pulls out his dick, oh my God, he is beautiful. His eyes meet mine as he grasps his cock and pulls, pulls and his eyes drift closed as he pumps up and down and I watch his hand and his beautiful dick. I want desperately to touch, to lick, to suck….but I restrain and watch as he moves on himself. Pulling and shifting his hips forward into his hand. I kiss his cheek, lick down his neck and suck at his collarbone. As his hand grips his beautiful, long, smooth penis his hand twists at the head and he gasps, and I whisper, “Yes, Benny, oh God, yes, so perfect, how does it feel? I want to know what you like, so when it’s me it’s just what you need, yes, beautiful perfect hot Benny, my Benny” as I whisper in his ear he increases the pace, frantic, pulling, hot, so sexy, gorgeous, I hiss to him, licking up his neck pressing myself into him, “Yesssss, Benny, come for me, so hard, yes? You want it so bad, just wait until my body is wet and ready for you,” he tenses up and moans low from his chest and he comes hard in his own hand, convulsing over himself, gasping and breathing hard as I run my fingers through his hair soothing and calming him back down from the edge. God, I think I love him already….so very authentic and genuine, this beautiful boy.

Lying in my bed alone, just an hour later, my body remembers the feel and sight of his pure beauty in the moonlight. I touch myself as I remember the words that sent him over the edge. And I am wet and ready for him, my body tenses and squeezes, contracts and pulses as I see his face as he came, head leaned back, mouth open as he groans his release. So perfect.

And just the beginning.


	5. Clandestine Rendezvous

It isn’t easy, obsessing over him, still trying to do my job well and always aware of his physical presence. His eyes on me, knowing we are hyper-aware of each other at every moment. But that is part of the excitement. One of the perks of my job is that I make the schedules, I know where everyone is at all times. And if I sometimes manipulate that schedule to my advantage...small pleasures, I rationalize. It doesn’t hurt anyone, and it doesn’t mean I am not doing my job well. I do feel just a little bit guilty about it, though not enough to stop. Camp is running smoothly, staff is happy and doing well, kids are safe and having a great time. Hopefully no one notices when Benny and I happen to have a couple hours off at the same time. Well, Mike and Molly notice, and give me crap on the daily, but it’s okay because they will keep me in check if I start to lose control. That’s what friends are for, right? 

This week started out with lots and lots of rain, soggy muddy trails, no free swim time and hours of indoor activities. Kids and counselors alike suffering from cabin fever. I joined our youngest campers on a ‘mud hike’, about 60 kids and 8 counselors setting off across camp to get as dirty and filthy as physically possible. We all needed the exercise and the fresh air, and to just give up the idea of trying to stay clean and dry. I found myself jumping in puddles and making mud pies and giving each other mud masks with a fabulous group of energetic 7 year olds. We laughed and giggled and danced in the never-ending rain. Benny and I gave the kids piggy-back rides,and smiled at each other through the raindrops. On one of the trails he ended up right behind me, I turned and gave him a flirty little wink and put a little more swing in my tush as I walked, and giggled as I heard him hiss at me. It was brilliant, two hours of being wild and free and full of muddy abandon. It didn’t hurt that I knew Benny and I would have several hours off together after dinner. The whole day was like foreplay. 

The only problem with a mud hike was, of course, the clean up! We lined up the kids by the pool fence and with hoses and buckets of water we attempted to remove most of the mud before sending the kids to the shower houses. Last thing I needed was to spend tomorrow morning scrubbing down the bathhouse. Of course, the whole thing turned into a water fight. Benny, Mark and Johnny surrounded me and dumped like 5 gallons of water over my head after I had turned the hose on them. Seriously, camp is so much fun. Why would anyone want to work anywhere else? 

There was an energy about this early time with Benny, every moment was an anticipation. Sunday night we walked Nightwatch together and talked and grabbed some kisses and a few wandering touches, until the rain drove us back into the warm, dry lodge and the company of others. Tuesday morning he volunteered to help me pack picnic lunches after breakfast, while the other counselors covered his kids. We worked together in the kitchen, chatting about school and future plans. He thinks he wants to do theatre, but his parents want him to study law. He was surprised to hear I have a degree in music, but choose to live and work at camp. Each day we are learning new things about each other, and it is just lovely. Of course, after we completed our task and loaded up the van, he pushed me back against the wall of the Lodge, hidden out of view, grabs my face with both his hands and kisses me hard and fast, leaning into my body with his lean hips and lighting me up with his talented lips and tongue. We jump apart quickly at the sound of a screen door slamming just around the corner and then Mike’s signature whistle cuts through our fog of lust….and we both giggle because odds are pretty good Mike knew exactly what he was doing. Wednesday the counselors took the kids on ‘overnights’ to indoor locations other than their own cabins. Mike and I always do a check in, visiting the groups, making sure everyone’s safe and comfortable. While Mike gathered the kids in the Log Cabin for a (not very) spooky story, I found myself standing against the back wall next to Benny. He crossed his arms over his chest and shifted closer to me in the dark, and I could feel his fingers, concealed by his crossed arms, gently caressing my side. Which was awesome until it started to tickle, and my giggles were totally inappropriate to the timing of Mike’s story….next thing I know, Benny is across the room with one long-fingered hand covering his mouth and his amazing eyes sparkling with mischief. 

There is really something special about him, and not just because he makes me horny and hot. He is magnetic, everyone on camp loves him, he never says a bad word about anyone. He is kind and caring, and loves to be helpful. And with me….always focused, ready, clever, fun and freaking beautiful. I want to slow down the summer so I can measure and treasure each and every moment of him and his presence in my life. I just know he’s going to be something amazing, and hopefully this summer will be a time he will never forget.

After cleaning up from our mud hike, the kids and counselors headed back to their cabins for a bit of quiet time before dinner. Benny’s coverage would start at 5:30 and he didn’t have to be back until 9:30. I had arranged to take my comp hours at the same time and we were going to head into town to do some laundry and grab a bite to eat. It is truly amazing how the frenetic pace of summer camp can make four hours of free time feel like such a blessing. I returned to my cabin and after straightening up the place a bit, you know, in hopes I might have a guest later, I showered and primped a bit. I decided to wear my hair down, add a bit of mascara and tie my red-checked blouse at my waist. My high-waisted jeans showed off my narrow waist and emphasized the curve of my hips. Shit, I realized I was treating this like a first date.

It had been over a week since our first Nightwatch and the beginning of our adventure together. I couldn’t help but think of it as ‘assisted masturbation’, but every time I remembered how beautiful he was in those moments, I feel flushed and abuzz with anticipation. I desperately hope he will want to explore every inch of me the way I do him. Looking in the mirror, I see that I have a ridiculous smile on my face and though the day is hot, the light sweat on my face shimmers in the light of my small bathroom. My cheeks are pink and my eyes are wide and excited. I check my watch and see that he will meet me at the parking lot in about 20 minutes. I grab my pack and lighter and step out onto my back deck to have a smoke. I light up and watch the field that backs up to the cabins and think about how our evening should go. Like I have any control, right? I laugh to myself. Putting my cigarette out carefully in the ashtray, I go inside to brush my teeth and take one last look around. Grabbing my laundry bag, wallet and car keys, I turn off the lights and step out my front door.

Lost in my own head I don’t even realize he’s already at the car, leaning up against it and smoking his own cigarette. God, I wonder if he has any idea how gorgeous he is. Classic, vintage, yet so very real in this moment. His eyes widen as he realizes it’s me walking towards him, puts out his cigarette and reaches into his pocket for a piece of gum. He’s wearing a clean black t-shirt that seems just a bit too small and pulls across his chest nicely. His jeans are faded and fit him perfectly, and boots! He’s wearing black motorcycle boots, holy shit. My lips part in a smile as I slowly drag my eyes up his body to his face, hair still wet from the shower, combed back a bit more than usual, freshly shaven and skin smooth and shining. Eyes, oh my, his eyes are wide, like he’s seen a ghost! His mouth is open and he appears to be breathing heavy…”Benny, my goodness, are you okay?” I quicken my steps to get closer to see what’s wrong. He puts both hands out in front of him, long fingers spread out flat towards me.

“Stop. Jenna. My God, just stop right there.” He puts his head down a bit, no shy smile this time. What could possibly be wrong with him? Bad news from home? Not feeling well? And his head comes up and this time I see the look in his eyes. Pure, perfect lust. His gaze is so intense, it pins me to the spot, laundry bag and car keys dangling from my hands. He uses his beautiful hands to gesture in front of him as he takes a couple of deep breaths. “You. Are. Breathtaking.”

Once again he shocks me into stillness, the whole package this time, voice, words, the way his tongue flicks out to run across his upper lip. But the eyes, those damn quicksilver eyes, shooting lasers of desire at me so hot I think I might melt into a ridiculous Jenna-puddle right on the spot. Okay, breathe deep, break eye contact, a little humor might ease the tension here. I smile to myself as I realize he is every bit as wrapped up in this as I am. “Oh Benny, honey, if I had known a little lip gloss was going to blow your circuits I would have left it off.” My smile is growing as I step into his space, “Unless, of course, you just want to kiss it off me?” Close enough to smell his shampoo, aftershave and gum-and-cigarette breath. He groans deep in his chest as he turns to open the car door for me. Good boy, he is working so hard to control himself, knowing we are still a week away from his birthday, and anyone could see us out here in the parking lot. Self-restraint, but still showing me how desperately he wants me. Seriously, is he for real?

I laugh a little as I get in the car, though I too am breathless, we have a very physical effect on one another, it’s amazing that no one has called us on it yet. He walks around the car, hesitates just a second before opening the passenger door and folding his long limbs into my red Honda Civic. As he pulls the door shut, I place my hand on his, resting on his thigh and give him a little squeeze. He looks up at me and there’s that shy smile again, eyes tender. “Thank you,” I said, “You sure know how to compliment a lady. I’ve never had anyone look at me the way you do.” I leaned over and brushed my glossed-up lips against his. “Patience, you beast.” and a giggle. From both of us. Tension broken, he relaxed into the seat and looked at me through his long, dark lashes. 

He licked his lips again, this time noting the lip gloss I had shared, and said, “I just, I don’t know, didn’t expect you to come out looking like that. You are always just perfectly, naturally you. It never occurred to me that you might want to, you know, do something extra for me.” I laughed as I turned on the ignition and put the car in gear. “Seat belt, please,” I said, and gestured towards his, um, whole self. “Bit surprised by how you look tonight as well. You look like James Dean,” I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, “Fucking sexy as hell.”

As we pulled out onto the camp road, he reaches over to fiddle with the radio, finding a classic rock station playing some David Bowie. We smile at each other and the hot summer wind blows in through the open windows. He reaches over and places his hand on mine on top of the stick shift. His fingers trace little circles on the back of my hand as we sing along to “Moonage Daydream”. I turn out of camp onto the state route, shifting through the gears and getting us up to speed. It is a perfect evening for an outing and I am happy in this moment. 

It only takes us 20 minutes to get to the nearest town, where we pull into a shopping plaza, where the laundromat sits conveniently next to a Chinese takeout joint. I hand Benny some money and send him to put in our order while I got our laundry started. Taking our bags out of the back of the Honda, I watched Benny walk across the parking lot, like walking arousal he is, strong and young and so male. Narrow hips in those jeans, broad shoulders pulling his t-shirt tight, I am not going to lie, I couldn’t wait to peel it off him. Walking into the laundromat, I was glad to see the place was deserted, we wouldn’t have to wait on machines. I walked to the back of the room and started separating our clothes and loading the washers. I couldn’t resist taking one of his shirts and pressing my nose into it, breathing in his Benny smell. “What the bloody hell are you doing??” He yells at me from the door as he laughs at me with my face stuffed in his dirty t-shirt. I start giggling, as he starts to chase me around the table. “Give me that, you don’t need to smell my nasty shirt from three days ago!” I cackle and try to keep away from him as he grabs me around the waist, pinning my arms behind my back and pulling me up hard against him. I surrender the smelly shirt and lean up to whisper in his ear, “I kind of like the way you stink, Benny” and lick a wet stripe up his neck. 

He shivers a little, pulling me tighter to him. “You, Jenna, are the craziest woman I have ever met. Thank God.” He relaxes his hold on my hands and places his lips firmly on mine and runs his hands down over my hips and pulls me into him.

I kiss him back, running my tongue along his lower lip, “You make me crazy, with your bad self. Motorcycle boots?” I smile as he pulls back and laughs.

“ Would you believe I actually ride a motorbike back at home? London has terrible traffic and it’s a bit easier to get around on two wheels.” So we loaded up the washers and fed them with coins and talked about what it was like, growing up in a city like London. It sounded so much more adventurous than my Midwestern suburban background. He talked a little about his parents, smiling as he shared stories about them, clearly he loved them very much. After the laundry was started he looked at his watch, “We have about 15 minutes until our food will be ready, what shall we do with the time?” He winks at me. 

I hopped up on the table and beckoned him with one finger and as he came closer I wrapped my fingers around his biceps and pulled him in close, spreading my legs for him to stand between. He runs his hands from my knees up to the crease in my jeans where my thigh meets my hip and digs his fingers in a bit. I wrap my legs around him, running my hands up his arms to his neck, pulling him to me and I whisper against his lips, “In the States we call it ‘making out’, sounds like the perfect way to spend 15 minutes, don’t you think? What do you call it in England?” Before he can answer I press my lips to his and open my mouth searching out his wet tongue, and before we know it we are kissing hot and hard, lips sliding and tongues reaching and tasting and moving together. Our hands are roaming, exploring each other over our clothes, hips and bellies, backs, necks and hair. His hands come up to run through my hair, pulling my head back gently as his lips travel down the side of my neck to find my collarbone. My fingers trace the black leather belt at his waist, teasing up the edge of his t-shirt to run gently across his belly, feeling for the soft hairs there just below his belly button. His head comes up to my ear and he whispers, “Snog. We call it snogging, and I could snog you for hours, Jenna. You are wearing that coconut lotion again, yeah?” I smile and duck my head, nodding and petting his face. I look back up and into his eyes, all pupil this time, hair out of place and breathing heavy. Staring intently at him we move to one another so slowly it’s like something out of a film and feel each other’s breath for an instant before our lips make contact once again, sweetly this time. 

The buzzer indicating the end of the wash cycle startles us both, and we jump apart. Looking around, we realize we aren’t alone in the laundromat anymore. “Oops,” I say, “Got a bit carried away…” I wiped my mouth with my hands, then reached up and wiped his lips free of my lip gloss. Beautiful, beautiful man-boy. As we gaze at each other, a family of four starts loading up some washers, talking loud and breaking the mood. Benny heads over to pick up our takeout while I transfer our clothes to the dryers. 

Just a few minutes later he was back and we were sitting on a picnic table out in front of the laundromat, digging into our chicken fried rice and egg rolls. He’s telling me a funny story about getting stung by a wasp when he was little at the market with his “mum”, and some old lady who put an onion on his bum. We giggle and eat and stare at each other. And kiss between bites. He holds up an egg roll for me to take a bite, and as I open my mouth to it, I look up into his eyes and sigh dramatically as the soy sauce runs down my chin. Its obvious, and vulgar, and he is caught between his desire to have my mouth on him and a fit of giggles. I love how responsive he is to the tiniest things, he really does pay attention. Soon it was apparent that we were spending more time kissing and licking each other (fingers, mouth, neck) than we were eating. I whispered to him, “Time to go, don’t you think?” he breathes heavily and leans into me for just a moment, then stands and starts to gather our takeout containers. I head back to bag up our clean, dry clothes and we meet at my car. 

The drive back to camp seems to take forever, as Benny leans into me and whispers little hot nothings into my ear with each breath…”Jenna, I want to touch you….taste you...feel your body move beneath mine,...move with you until we both fly apart. Hear your gasps and moans, feel your body respond to me in every way…” His beautiful hands were in my hair, and stroking my thigh, higher with each pass, closer to where I was already hot and wet and ready for him. It’s a miracle we made it back in one piece, I truly am an excellent driver, if I could keep us on the road with that gorgeous, sensual distraction.

Back at camp, I parked the car and we got out, grabbing our laundry bags from the back and heading over to my cabin. It was fortunate that no one was around at that moment to see us go into my place together. Once inside, we drop our bags and he’s on me, pushing me back against the door, lips on mine, hands everywhere. We kiss and touch and move our bodies together, lost in this rare moment of privacy. His hands come up into my hair, as his mouth moves to my ear, hot wet tongue exploring and gasps for oxygen filling the air. I kiss my way down his neck, lifting his t-shirt so I can run my hands across his smooth skin. He whispers, “Your hair is gorgeous, love, I want to spend all day just breathing in your scent.” His perfect, soft lips find mine again as our tongues meet and slide against each other, silky and perfect. Running my fingertips down his sides, my hands explore his hip bones, just above the waistband of his jeans, softly grazing across his tight belly, finding that soft trail of hair just below the navel. Brushing my knuckles down that sweet patch of silky hairs I hook my fingers in his waistband and pull his hips to meet mine. I am so hot for him, it is almost an ache, and my panties are wet already. I can feel how hard he is, and I am so ready for us to take this further. I break our kiss, still holding him close at the hips. Staring into his eyes, we sigh together as we shift our bodies apart. It would be so easy to take his hand and drag him into my bedroom, we both want so badly to give ourselves over to this. And yet….

There is a sweet anticipation to slowing it down. Learning each other, exploring skin and smell and taste. I move my hands from his waistband to his face, gently caressing those beautiful cheekbones as he turns his face into my hand. “Cigarette?” I ask him in a whisper. 

Benny’s eyes meet mine and he gets it, no resentment, no frustration. He knows this is unbearably sweet and we will get there together. He says, “That sounds marvelous, honestly.” I take his hand and lead him through my kitchen, where I grab my smokes and lighter and we head through the dining area (office, laundry, catch-all room) to the back deck. I move to slide the privacy fence closed and we had a lovely little area just for us. He looks around and says, “Mike has the other side of the cabin?”

“Yes, but he doesn’t use his deck for anything but storage, ridiculous how much crap he’s got over there, bikes and grills and miscellaneous equipment for his various outdoor pursuits.” I noticed Benny was still looking around, a bit of worry showing on his face. I squeeze his hand in mine and lower my voice, “Nothing to worry about, he’s out with the kids tonight, as I would be if it were his night off. And..when the time comes,” I give him a flirty wink, “The bedrooms are on the outer sides of the duplex. Just in case, you know, you’re a screamer.” I scamper away as he swats at my tush, laughing as I head over to the couch. I pat the cushion next to me, “Join me?” as I tuck my legs up under me and pull out cigarettes for us. Placing the ashtray nearby, I light us up as we both take a moment to calm down and reorient. 

He watches me take a drag and exhale up into the sky. My eyes are watching the treetops and the sky as the sun is going down. He asks me in that low, intimate voice of his, “What are you thinking about?”

Looking at him, gazing at me, I am surprised by how easy it is to answer the question. “Benny, you amaze me.” Take a drag, blow it out, try not to squeal at the sight of him doing the same, long elegant fingers, beautiful mouth...he shakes his head and laughs. “So many guys your age would be really pissed they weren’t getting laid at this exact moment. But you are seventeen and you seem to totally get the anticipation, the value in savoring the sensation…”

“I think in England we think about sex differently than most people here in the States,” he responds, flicking ash into the ashtray. I am momentarily derailed by his hands again. “This country really seems to repress teenagers when it comes to sex. Back home it’s just, well, accepted that kids are going to mess around, have a wank, maybe explore their sexuality. And it’s all okay. Because kids are going to do it anyway. I lost my virginity when I was 14. I have been in three relationships, but had lots of...time to explore.” He leans closer to me, putting his cigarette out as he whispers in my ear, “I like to think I’m pretty good at this, and I don’t need to just get off, I want to make you feel amazing. Two people who work at making the other feel good have phenomenal sex.” I look into his eyes, glowing silver in the almost darkness. It feels like he is pouring his passion into me through his eyes, steady, confident and purposeful. 

“Amazing. Brilliant.” I whisper back at him. Putting out my cigarette, I move the ashtray from between us and lift up and move to his lap, straddling him and pushing him back on the sofa. I reach down and undo the tie at the bottom of my shirt, undoing my buttons as I say, “You are definitely one of a kind, a stellar and unique individual. And now I am going to snog the hell out of you.” I stare deep into his eyes as I bring our lips together yet again. Each time a new and beautiful sensation. As we kiss, his hands come up my sides and slip under my shirt. Those gorgeous hands, warm and dry, run up my sides and slide around to my back, looking for my bra clasp. He breaks our kiss as his fingers encounter smooth fabric. His eyes find mine as I reach up between my breasts and flick open the front closure. I smile at him, he grins back as our lips meet again, gentle hands caress up and down the skin of my back, leaving tingly tracks in their wake. Our lips fit together and tongues meet, tasting and moving, exploring each other. He takes my bottom lip into his mouth and gently applies his teeth as his warm hands slide under my arms and cup my breasts. I sigh into his mouth at his touch, slow and warm and perfect. Shifting my hips against his crotch, our kiss deepens, we press into each other’s bodies and he squeezes my flesh gently, then rubs his thumbs in little circles around my nipples. Shivers run up and down my spine as I grind myself into him, feeling his hard cock between my legs. His mouth leaves mine and trails down the side of my neck, I lift up so he can reach my nipple with his mouth, gently at first, a touch of his tongue, swirling, a light nibble of teeth and then he sucks my breast into his mouth, hard. A little bit of discomfort, but so much more a turn on. His mouth teases and sucks, rhythmically, in time with the lower part of our bodies. Throwing my head back I give in to the sensation, riding him through several layers of clothing as he lavishes my chest with attention. We move and breath and gasp together, I feel my body flush with heat, and moisture between my legs, and dammit, I am so ready for him to touch me.

I look down to see him and almost faint with the sight of his beautiful lips against my skin, place my hand in his hair running my fingers through his curly auburn locks. He pulls back from my nipple and only his tongue touches the tip and he tips his face back to look up at me. Eyes like blue fire, pupils blown wide. “I need...Benny...oh god, please….” and I reach down to undo the button and zip on my jeans, my eyes imploring him to touch me. Feel me. Know how desperately I want him. 

“Yes, Jenna, anything. I can’t wait…” and he slips his left hand into my open pants, fingers deftly maneuvering under my panties until his entire hand is cupping, squeezing gently, holding this secret part of me in his palm. He stares into my eyes as his fingers gently trace up and down the seam of my pussy lips. He groans into my mouth as we kiss, sloppy and wet up above, and his long middle finger dips into my wetness down below. Now he knows, he can feel how much I want him, need him. I shift my hips, pressing into his hand as I kiss him without control, moving my crotch into his hand. He places his other hand at the small of my back, tips of his fingers dipping just below my waist into the crack of my ass. Oh my, shit. Fuck. So hot, I am close to losing control, if he touches my clit I will probably come in an instant. But he is good, he knows how to draw it out, dipping that long middle finger in and out, not quite fucking, teasing a bit. Beautiful, beautiful man. 

We are moving together, breathing together, gasping and moaning together. And then he pushes that long finger up into me, hard. I see stars and cry out as he starts finger fucking me, holding me tight with his other arm as my head falls back and I cry out into the night sky. Two fingers, more thrust, in and out, and there’s no discomfort, the slide is wet and smooth and as he moves his hand he controls me completely. I know I am close as my body starts to tense and push into him with more urgency. He whispers, hot breath in my ear, “Yes, beautiful. Gorgeous. So perfect. Will you come for me, sweet Jenna? Hot and wet on my hand?” At just that moment his thumb finds my clit, just petting, downward strokes rhythmic with my thrusting body, fingers pushing in and out, all moving and pushing and I am there, tight as a bowstring, perfect stillness on the edge….

And I cry out, moaning his name as my body convulses and pulses. Sparks and flashes blur my sight as my body squeezes his fingers from the inside. Perfect. Goddamn. I drop my head to his shoulder and breath heavily. “Oh my god. You are brilliant.” I whisper to him, perfectly passionately wrecked by my orgasm. He stills his hand down below and rubs my back with the other, turning his face to breathe through my hair.

“Oh Jenna, that was beautiful. You are beautiful...so perfectly natural and ….god. Woman, you slay me.” As my breathing returns to normal I lift my face to his, we shared a sweet, lingering kiss. He moans into my mouth as I press into him yet again, needing his warmth and strength. Our kiss deepens as he slightly lifts his hips and presses up into me, and we are grinding again, the both of us just insatiable with our need for each other. I pull away from him just a bit, sucking on his full lower lip.

“Thank you, Benny. That was...amazing.” His hand slips from my pants and he brings his fingers to his lips and nose, smelling me on his hand, tongue flicking out to taste me on those gorgeous fingers. Looking up at me, he gives me an evil grin.

“I might not wash my hand for a week, just to smell you here. It’s enough to make me come in my pants, I think.” His hips push up into me and he lets his head fall back as another moan escapes him, low and rumbling. I smile at how incredibly beautiful he is, here with me now. And all I can think of is how much I want him to lose control for me. I place my hands on his shoulders and lift myself off his lap. Running my hands down his body from his shoulders to his chest, feeling his breath hitch as I skim over his nipples through that tight black t-shirt. Drawing my fingers down his ribs and belly, using my thumbs to hook the edge of his shirt and push it up to his chest as I bend forward to lay soft little kisses on his lean, tight belly. His skin is warm, and my tongue tastes salt and sweat, he smells so perfect, masculine and alive.

I look up at him and see him staring down at me, no silly grin this time, just heat and want in his lazerbeam eyes, mouth slightly open as he watches me as I carefully unbuckle his belt, open his button and fly, slowly and carefully without breaking eye contact. Sliding my hands inside running out towards his hips and sliding his jeans down his muscular thighs, he lifts his hips to help and moans again as his gorgeous prick comes free of the constricting fabric. I remove his jeans and boxers completely and move his knees apart so I can settle between them. Running my hands back up his body, circling around his nipples, pressing my face into his hip, kissing his warm skin. He gives a gentle thrust, looking for some friction where he needs it most. “Yes,” I whisper, “Oh yes, Benny. You are beautiful,” as I take his hard cock in my hand and turn my head so I can breath in his dark, sexy smell and breath out onto his beautiful smooth penis. He gasps a breath at my touch and says, “Oh fuck, Jenna, yes. Shit, that feels perfect.” Thrusting his hips up into my hand again, he moans, “So….fucking perfect. Yes….not….going... to last long, fuck!” His hip thrusts are increasingly forceful and his stomach muscles tighten under my cheek, I know he is close.

I lift my head from his hip and stroke my hand down to the base of his cock, holding him up for me, stroking the soft curls there. Looking up at him he has stilled, but his breathing is ragged, mouth open, eyes trying desperately to maintain contact. “Look at me, Benny,” I whisper. “Watch me, and come for me, yeah?” I dropped my head down to place my lips gently at the head of his penis, silky smooth skin and just a drop of moisture there. He whines and breathes heavy as I open my mouth over him, sucking him into my warm mouth and using my tongue. I start to move up and down over him as I feel him tense and I use my hand at the bottom of his shaft to move with his rhythm 

“Oh god! Jennnnnnnaaaaaaaa….fuck, yes, yes…” He pushes up and stills, eyes locked on mine, and groans as I feel him pulse in my mouth, filling me up with his hot salty cum. I swallow it down, taking every drop he has to give. His body clenches and he breathes heavy for a few moments. His eyes fall closed as his body relaxes back into the cushions. I give him one more soft kiss then crawl up to sit next to him on the couch, curling into his side and wrapping my arms around him. Laying my head on his chest. I look down at his stomach, the vee of his hips, his penis softening in its bed of dark curls, long legs stretched out in front and I think I have never seen such a beautiful man. How lucky am I to be the one who touches him? Brings him to the edge and watch him tumble over? I am not sure what I did to deserve the honor. 

Coming out of his stupor he wraps his impossibly long arms around me, turning his body to encompass my whole self in him. His lips near my ear, “That was...oh god. So perfect. You just know, how do you know exactly what I need?” He hugs me tight. “Thank you. If I forget to tell you later, I had an amazing time with you tonight.” Our foreheads touch as we smile ridiculous smiles, satisfied and comfortable, and so very sweet.

He hadn’t been gone 10 minutes and I was missing him. I wanted to call across the dark field to him, bring him back to me and my bed, and just never leave. I sat on the deck, head in my hands and almost cried for how powerful my feelings were in that moment. And this was not good. I lit a cigarette and tried to talk some sense into myself.

It wasn’t working. All I can think of is his hands, his voice, his lean warm body, his gasping breaths and changeling eyes. His words, perfect in each moment. My God, I thought I was in control here, but somehow I am lost. Falling for him in ways that never should have happened. This can’t be, I can’t fall in love with him. The summer will be over and he will go, and there will be an end. 

If I were to be entirely honest with myself, my little summer ‘game’ while fun, also served the purpose of protecting my heart. Just a little summer fling, some hot sex with a cute guy and the rest of the year living and working at camp, nature and kids and good work. For years it worked for me, and there was no one else to consider, just me and the life I wanted to live. Selfish, I supposed, but smart too. I learned at the age of seventeen, (Benny is...oh shit.) that if I invested too much of my heart into relationships I too easily lost all sense of self. Self-restraint, self-respect, self-control. And this boy, so incredibly mature and knowing, was breaking down my walls one smile at a time, one touch, one kiss. 

But what to do about it? I am not going to miss a moment, an opportunity, a chance to touch him, see his perfect lopsided smile, listen to the mature and worldly things he says in that molten lava voice. Like an addict I know I will keep coming back for more. Two things need to happen: One, I need to make sure he isn’t damaged as a result of our...time together? Falling in love is so dangerous at seventeen, there is no bigger picture and when it’s over there is physical pain and emotional suffering. How to keep it light, not get serious, when all I really want to do is hold on to him forever? And Two, know that I am strong enough to watch him go. Because it is the right thing to do, and because holding him back would be criminal. He cannot suspect that I would gladly love him forever. There’s no place in his future for a hippie chick from southern Ohio.


	6. An Itch That Can't Be Scratched...

The next morning at breakfast, Mike and I were going over the following week’s schedule. He was due for a weekend off, and I was supervising the stay-over campers. The following weekend was my turn for a couple days off. I was also taking over all programming from this point in the summer and Mike would take a step back as we worked toward our end of summer transition. As the counselors led clean up and dismissal, I noticed Benny watching me from where he was supervising dish return. I gave him a little smile and wave and went back to the schedules in front of me. “Jenna,” Mike said quietly. “You okay?” 

“Yeah, just a little tired, I guess, why?” I answered, stretching my back and straightening my ponytail.

“Just..I don’t know. You seem a little off, lost in your own head, maybe?” Mike rarely settled down to have serious conversations, but knowing him as long as I have I know to pay attention when he initiates one. I nodded to him, placing my head in my hands. “Be careful, love. He seems like a good guy, but I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

I look up into his friendly brown eyes, I know he knew what was going on with me and Benny. He didn’t need to say anything, he has been my best friend for so long. I appreciate his concern, I do. But how do I explain that what worries me the most is that I will be the one causing harm? I don’t know how to express it. So I reach over and squeeze his hand, “Thanks, bud. I’ve got a few busy days of work to help clear my head.” And we went back to working out meeting schedules and duties.

And busy it was, shuttling campers back and forth to the local water park on Saturday, running loads of laundry for the clinic and kitchen staff, sorting through lost and found, walking the trails and paths of camp, checking for hazards and clearing my head. Maybe this weekend was a blessing. Benny went with some of the counselors to a house party in Dayton. He wanted to stay, but I encouraged him to go, have fun, make memories with his new friends. Part of me was saying inside, “Don’t let all your experiences this summer revolve around me.” Though I missed knowing he was around, and I couldn’t help but plan for next weekend. His birthday, eighteen. 

Sunday morning was clear and cool, surprisingly so for the middle of the summer. After breakfast with the stay-over campers I returned to my cabin for a few hours off before our weekly all-staff meeting and registration for the new session. At the end of this week the summer would be officially half over. It was always hard to believe how fast it all went. I brewed a pot of coffee and took my book and smokes to the deck. Going back inside to grab a sweatshirt, I was looking forward to a bit of quiet time. 

Absorbed in my book, I was a bit startled when I heard my name from the gate, soft and gentle with a question in it…”Jenna?” Benny knocked on the fence before stepping onto my deck, “Okay to come in?” I smiled and nodded up at him as I put my book down. I stood and walked over to him as he watched me intently. “Enjoying your peaceful Sunday morning?”

I stepped close to him and looked up into his face. “Yes, very much so. But it is even better now,” as I lifted my lips to his and placed my hands on his shoulders. He wrapped his long arms around me and hugged me tight as we shared sweet kisses. “Would you like to join me for a cup of coffee?” I said when we parted. He nodded and slid his hands down my arms to join our fingers together. Looking at him, I noticed how tired he looked, pale and a bit gray around the eyes. “You okay?” 

He nodded again, and said, “Coffee, and some Tylenol? Feeling a bit under this morning.” I turned away and grabbed my mug and headed into the kitchen, beckoning him to follow. Walking in to my kitchen I gestured towards the table and he sat and put his head in his hands, groaning a bit. “Why does American beer taste bad AND make you feel like bloody hell?” I chuckled a bit. Not the first counselor to return from a night off with a raging hangover. Honestly, it was not an experience unfamiliar to me. I poured him a cup of strong black coffee and handed him two Tylenol. 

Sitting down across from him, I smiled and asked, “So you had a good time?” and I couldn’t keep the smile from my face. 

“Ah, now Jenna, don’t take the piss with me, give me a few hours to recover.” I smiled bigger and reached across the table to twist my fingers with his. Giving his hand a squeeze, I stood and walked behind him and began rubbing his back, long smooth strokes across his shoulder blades, pushing my thumbs in firmer circles down the sides of his long neck and across the tops of his shoulders. Running my fingers up into his hair and gently massaging his scalp. He groans softly and pushes his head into my hands. So lovely, I could do this all day. He reaches up and pulls my hands to his lips and kisses my fingers sweetly. 

Wrapped around him I put my lips to his ear, “Oh Benny, even hungover you are just gorgeous. Drink your coffee, cutie, it will help.” I moved back to my seat and lit a cigarette, offering him one. “So….how was the party?”

He had both long-fingered hands wrapped around his mug, bringing his head up to look me in the eye, “ Good, it was good. I had fun with the group, Johnny’s parents were very nice, pretty much left us alone to drink and whatever. Things got a little rowdy for a bit, but yeah. I had a nice time.” He took a sip of his coffee and pinned me with those intense eyes of his, “I wish you had been there. Would have been so much more fun...for me.” And he grins that lopsided smile.  
I smile back at him, he is beautiful even in his misery.

“Well, party-boy,” I smirked at him, “We have about an hour until staff meeting, do you want to lay down on my couch and recover a bit? It’s gonna be crazy with kids here in a couple of hours, need you to have your game face on.” I moved into the living room, pulled the blinds and grabbed a pillow and blanket from my bed. He followed me, watching me move around the room with hooded eyes. 

“That depends,” He says, his voice rough and gravelly, “What kind of time will we have together this week?” He walks towards the couch, but stops to wrap me in his arms. “If this is the only time I get to see you I don’t want to sleep.” Oh, he is sweet. And horny, probably. But he needs some rest if he’s going to function as a counselor in a couple of hours. 

“Don’t worry, babe. Two Nightwatch patrols, and a surprise for your birthday on Friday. Plenty of time. Now lay down and close your eyes.” He did, and I covered him with a soft quilt. He turns his face into the pillow, closing his tired eyes and taking a deep breath.

“Smells like you, Jenna. Coconut, lavender soap and sun and grass…” I kneel down next to him, run my fingers gently through his curls and kiss his cheek. 

“Sleep well, my sweet Benny.” I whisper to him, and let him rest.

 

Three hours later and we are in the thick of it, the biggest week of the summer. Camp is full, every cabin and counselor with the maximum number of kids and multiple programs in progress, Science Camp, Teen Adventure, Ranch and Main all running at full capacity. The Lodge was a madhouse and Mike and I were up to our ears in parent concerns and logistical tasks. The camp store was busy all afternoon, and as registration neared its end, I helped our camp nurse Gretchen transfer all the meds and paperwork for the week over to the Health Center. As we organized everything for evening meds, I noticed out the window the counselors were bringing campers to the pool for safety checks and lesson scheduling. Mid-way through the summer and everything is running smoothly. I step out of the back door onto the pool deck and watch as the counselors go over pool rules and the lifeguards start safety testing. Benny stands with his group of kids, wearing his orange swim trunks. I was surprised to see how tan he had become in these weeks of teaching canoeing out at the lake and daily swim time with his campers. He was absolutely beautiful and I had to force myself to tear my eyes away.

Leaving the pool area I walked the cabin loop just to check and make sure there were no concerns and everyone was settling in. Groups of kids and counselors were grouped here and there, sitting in the grass in circles, playing get-to-know-you games and going over rules. I stopped to visit a few of the groups, introducing myself, sharing a song or a game. Wandering around while camp is in session is one of my greatest pleasures. Seeing happy, excited kids, caring and creative young adults leading them, knowing that I play a part in making the magic happen. It really is an honor and I feel so privileged.

Continuing on my tour I check the bathhouses, and make a mental note to have Charlie do a garbage pick up after dinner. Making my way back to the Lodge I check the schedules and go to find Mike, he is in the store with Kelly, our canteen manager and we go over business for the day and help her restock the shelves and organize camper cards for this evening. Mike and I head to the office for our pre-week powwow. We discuss the program plan for the week, a couple of kids with medical issues we will need to keep an eye on, and two counselors who might be a bit too wrapped up in each other, and neglecting their campers. Pretty typical for this point in the summer, a friendly conversation is usually enough to fix the problem and I volunteer to address the issue this evening at Staff Snack.

I sit down in my office to continue working on the schedules for the rest of the summer and plan my time for the week. Only four more weeks of regular camp, then two weeks of specialty groups, kids with cancer and arthritis, two high school band camps and some girl scouts. I will be making plenty of phone calls this week to confirm needs and set up for those groups. I get a bit lost in my work and before I know it, Mike is peeking his head around my office door, “Hey girl. Dinner started 10 minutes ago. Take a break, why don’t you?” I smiled at him and shut down my computer.

“Since when do you give me crap for being productive?” I swatted him playfully on the shoulder and as the office screen door closed with a bang behind us, he put his arm around my shoulders and hugged me tight, a proper camp ‘side-hug’. He says, “You really are going to be the best director Zephyr has ever seen, you know that?”

We stop just before heading into the Lodge, the sounds of laughing kids and clinking dishes drifting out the open windows. I look into my old friend’s eyes, and answer, “Only because we’ve done this together. It is my honor to carry on our good work.” He smiles and gathers me into a real hug. 

“Love you, sis,” he says, “ Let’s get some grub.” and as we enter the Dining Hall all the wonderful craziness that is camp surrounds us, loud and busy and just perfect.

Across the room I see Benny smiling and laughing and gesturing with those beautiful hands of his. Probably describing some amazing activity he has planned for his 9 year olds this week. He looks better, hangover faded, his typical enthusiasm and warmth just radiates from him. How awesome is it that he wants to be with me, is so damn sexy, and just happens to be a really fantastic counselor as well? 

After the meal, as I step in front of the kids to make evening announcements and lead the village chants, I feel his eyes on me. I feel the heat of his gaze behind the friendly smile on his face. As the campers shout and stomp and clap and yell he is like an oasis in the desert, water for the thirsty, shelter for the exposed. God, I am not a poet and this is getting ridiculous. I just need to focus on my work and spend some time later planning his birthday evening. 

A few minutes later the campers are filing out of the dining hall, off on their camp tours and opening campfires. I head back to my place for a short break, before Mike and I meet up to visit the groups at fire circles. I was in charge of Snack tonight, then tomorrow Nightwatch with Benny. Just thinking about being alone in the dark with him makes me hot. I head into my bedroom and lay down on my bed, letting my mind imagine him here with me. Long, lean body, smooth tanned skin, his smell and taste. Before I could stop myself, my hand was in my pants, rubbing, pushing, spreading my wetness over my skin, imagining his smooth, low voice with that rich accent, asking me to come for him, come hard for him, and I do. My muscles clench and I want him so very badly. Inside, full of him and fucking me, hard and oh shit. Only five days, five days until I can have him totally, and he can have me. How am I going to last five days? I lay there gasping, waiting for my heartbeat to calm. Cigarette and shower. That’s the first step.

The next night Benny and I meet up for Nightwatch and the tension is crackling between us. As we step into the darkness outside the Lodge he grabs my hand and pulls me around the corner, pushing my body into the wall, and his lips are on mine. I hold on to him tightly, as our mouths open to each other, and our bodies pressed together hard. Just a moment of pure need before we reluctantly pull apart. He whispers, lips brushing my ear, “God Jenna, I need you. All day long I see you and I just want to grab you like this.” More kisses down the side of my neck. I run my hands over his chest, feel his heart beating fast. 

“Oh you naughty boy,” I breathed out, “the things you do to me.” And our mouths meet again for one more hot and wet kiss. As we stepped back from each other we are both grinning like idiots. “Come on, Casanova, let’s Nightwatch the hell out of this place. Then we’ll find a dark corner to snog the shit out of each other.” And we set off down the path. 

Getting the cabins settled down took a little longer than we expected and we were doing a final lap checking everyone was quiet. I took Benny’s hand and led him through the darkness to ‘our’ tree. Standing close together, fingers entwined we moved together for a sweet kiss. Our lips rubbed and moved on each other, as our bodies moved together like magnets. Soon we were pressed together from mouth to knee. Our tongues met and twisted together as his hands moved to my hips and pulled me toward him. For a long time we kissed and moved our bodies together, standing by the tree, hands roaming over hips and backs and necks and hair. He slid his hands to my ass, squeezing and pulling me into him. His mouth moves over my nose and cheeks and forehead. We were grinding against each other, soft moans and ragged breaths escaping us without restraint. It was beautiful, so passionate and wild...and so...not enough. Just about the time our movements coordinated to a rhythm that might afford us both some relief….voices. Shit. What the hell….

We sprang apart, and Benny slid down the tree into a crouch, trying to adjust himself in his pants at the same time. I wiped my mouth and straightened my ponytail as I tried to calm my breathing. Once we had settled a bit, we looked at each other and started to giggle. Quietly, of course. Moving quietly, but not touching, we ducked around the back side of a few cabins then stepped out onto the camp road and headed back towards the Lodge.

Arriving as the last counselors headed to bed for the evening, we said goodnight to everyone and walked into the Lodge where Mike was cleaning up. He looked up from the counter he was wiping down, “Well hello you two. Any problems out there tonight?” Then he smirked and said under his breath, “Other than losing track of time while making out in some dark spot,” and a chuckle. I smacked him on the shoulder and told him to mind his own business. We helped him clean up and said good night as he walked out of the building with a casual wave. “Don’t stay up too late, kids.” Benny and I found ourselves alone in the dark kitchen. He helped me hop up on the counter and stepped between my legs, wrapping his arms around my waist, dropping his head on my shoulder.

“Oh god, Jenna. I am sorry. Every time I am alone with you I just lose my mind. You must think I’m just a randy teenager. I’m so sorry.” 

“Benny, look at me,” I said, using my fingertips to lift his chin. “You stop apologizing right now. I think no such thing. I think you are beautiful, and sweet, funny and sexy as hell. I laid on my bed this afternoon and touched myself thinking about how very soon we will fuck each other’s brains out.” He moans a little at this statement and holds me tighter. “There is nothing wrong with wanting each other desperately.” I cup his cheek gently in my palm. I whisper to him, “Baby, can you wait until Friday? Because I have such plans for us.” He looks into my eyes so deeply, leaning his forehead against mine. I could just drown in his eyes, tonight they look green and sort of stormy. He takes a deep breath and nods, rubbing our foreheads together. “Just so you know, I am right there with you, every step, just as turned on, I need you so bad.” And we are kissing again in the the darkened kitchen.


	7. Fireworks

Friday. Benny’s 18th birthday. We had a normal day of camp ahead of us, but he was mine from after dinner until Sunday morning. Make no mistake I have every intention of spending as much of that time as possible with him. Naked, of course. I could barely contain myself throughout the day. As campers were dismissed from lunch to head to their cabins for Rest Hour, Molly joined me in cleaning up the staff table. “Ooooh, girl, something big going down? Your smile today is blinding me!” We giggled a bit together as we sponged down the tables and stacked the chairs. 

“Oh, Mols, you know I can’t say anything...but god, I am excited about my weekend off.” I smile to myself and blush a bit, unable to to keep thoughts like hot skin, sensitive hands, luminescent eyes….shit. “And I suppose I do owe you a huge thank you…”

Her eyes widened, as she enveloped me in a huge, way-too-tight Molly hug. With her arms still around me, she pulls back to look at my face, “Bloody hell, Jenna, I knew you’d have some fun with this one, sure didn’t think you’d actually fall in love…” I froze up, and my face must have indicated my distress. “Oh, honey,” she said, “Did you not, um, admit that to yourself yet? Sorry to blow the secret…” with a smirk and a wink. I tried to smile back at her, but my knees went a little weak and I looked for someplace to sit down. She guided me over to a bench near the windows, keeping her arm around my shoulders. I put my head down in my hands and breathed heavily.

“Shhhh, Jenna, it’s okay. Are you okay?” She really sounded concerned. “Do you want to talk about it?” Molly was the best kind of friend to have, fun, outgoing, brash but when the time came to listen and support she was right on it. So I lifted my head up and looked at her through watery eyes. I told her how this was it, no more summer flings for me. How incandescent he is, in every way, and how it was going to break me to let him go. How more than anything I didn’t want to be responsible for hurting him. How incredibly excited I was to bang his brains out for the rest of the summer. 

And yes, I told her that I was falling in love with him. That everything he is, what he says, how he looks and feels and moves was just perfection. And all I really want is to share in that as long as I can, and I have no intention of sacrificing a moment, because it will be over all too soon. And the summer season will end, things will calm down to a quieter pace around camp, but Mike will be leaving and I will assume leadership. And this is all perfectly okay, just the way things should be. Benny will go on abroad, chase his adventures, then maybe back to England for university. Lovely memories to live with, real life to be getting on with. It is the way of things. 

And my dear friend Molly, listened and empathized with me, allowing me to bare my soul, knowing I need to share the burden of my thoughts. She supports and encourages, and tells me that she knows I would never intentionally cause him any harm or neglect my responsibility to camp in any way. “Jenna,” she says, “Enjoy this for everything it is, these opportunities don’t come around very often. He has stars in his eyes for you, everyone sees it. And after this weekend, you both can be a bit more open about your relationship, more relaxed around the staff anyway. Keeping secrets is hard on a relationship.” She kept using that word, relationship. But I wouldn’t think too deeply about that. 

She sat up tall and stretched her arms up over her head, “And when September comes, just maybe I’ll hang around to help you pick up the pieces of your shattered heart.”

“What?! Mols...what are you saying?” This was news to me.

“Well, after breakfast I had a call from the Camp Association, they approved my request to extend my visa an extra six months, so if you need an experienced outdoor ed person...you can have me until August of ‘94.” She smiled and we both stood as I whooped and hollered. Perfect. One of the things I was looking forward to as Director was really building a strong staff that supported my vision for camp. And Molly was the perfect start. And a dear friend. We left the Lodge talking about all the fun we would have working the ‘off-season’ together. Somehow, she listened, validated, and inspired all in the same conversation. I gave her another hug and thanked her for being a great friend as we split up, heading to our afternoon duties.

At dinner I managed to pass Benny a note, yes, really. God, Jenna, what are you, twelve? But yes, I asked him to meet me at Caribou fire circle at about 8:30, about a half hour before sundown, and to pack a bag for the weekend. I was so excited for this time with him I could just jump out of my skin. Back at my cabin I showered and primped for him, dressing in a tight pink camisole top and baggy white cargo capris with flip flops. I used the coconut lotion he loves and brushed my hair out straight and shiny. I gathered up a couple of quilts, a candle, his birthday presents and a few other necessities and went to the kitchen to prepare our snack. Singing along with Celine Dion’s “If You Asked Me Too” as I worked and packed a basket with cheese, fruit, crackers and fake wine (no alcohol while camp is in session) I thought about lunchtime, when the counselors celebrated Benny’s birthday by giving him the Spanking Gauntlet. He was a good sport about it, and everyone was cheering and clapping. 

Having made all my preparations, I wrapped his final gift and couldn’t stop smiling. Sitting out on my deck, I smoked and went through my mental list. Clean sheets, plenty of food in my kitchen, Mike on duty all weekend….the stage is set. Almost a whole weekend alone with Benny, I had been waiting for this for weeks. We did agree to meet up with some of the staff at a local bar and grill to eat and celebrate his birthday on Saturday evening, and that would be our first ‘official’ appearance together, though I didn’t think anyone would be too surprised. Putting my ashtray and smokes away, I brushed my teeth, grabbed my bags and the food basket and left my place out the back door, heading across the field to the road leading to Caribou Circle, which overlooks the small lake where Benny teaches canoeing and sailing every day. 

The sun was about two fingers above the horizon when I arrived at my destination. According to my watch I had about 20 minutes before he arrived. I laid out the blankets between the fire circle and the lake, set out his presents and prepared our picnic. Then I sat down and enjoyed the view. In the midsummer evening the sky was tinted orange and purple, with no clouds in sight. It would be a lovely starry night. The lake was calm, a shiny glass mirror broken only by occasional insects and fish swirls. The bugs were crazy at this time of year, mostly annoying, but kind of beautiful in this moment as the setting sun caught glints and flashes of wings as they hunted and mated in this perfect environment. 

I heard him walking up the gravel road, and I stood to meet him. He looked around at what I had prepared and smiled, “This looks a bit like a seduction scene, should I be concerned for my virtue?”

I put my hands on my hips and struck a flirty pose, “Oh yes, definitely. You should be very concerned, Master Benedict.” We both laughed, and he dropped his knapsack and grabbed me around the waist, spinning me a bit as he leaned in to brush his lips gently against mine.

“Oh well, good. I was done with that pesky virtue anyway,” He said, laughing. Taking his hand I led him to our little space and sat down, pulling him down next to me. “This is gorgeous, I am not usually up here at this time of day. Did you order this beautiful sunset for my birthday?”

I answered softly, right into his perfect ear, “Of course, my Benny, and it is only the first of many amazing gifts you are about to receive.” Then, because I could, I licked the sensitive skin on his neck. He shivered and kissed me again, gently, just a soft brush of his lips against mine. I smiled into his lips and took his hand in mine. “I am so glad to be here with you tonight. I have been waiting all summer for this.” I brought his hand to my mouth, giving his knuckles little kisses. 

He smiled his sweet, lopsided smile at me. “You and me both, Jenna. By the way, you look amazing tonight, just….delectable.” His eyes, reflecting the violet skies met mine and then traveled slowly to my lips, my shoulders, my chest with just a bit of cleavage showing, down my body to my bare feet. He leans in closer, “Seriously, I want to devour you. Right now.” His voice had dropped a register and was having a profound effect on my pulse, and my panties...wait, I’m not wearing any panties! Another surprise for him…

“Well, let’s start the celebration, shall we? Can I pour you a glass of fake wine?” I held up two plastic cups and a bottle of sparkling grape juice. He laughs and smirks at me.

“Jenna, you are the most delightful mix of good girl and naughty minx I have ever had the good fortune to encounter. Ready to shag my brains out, yet still following the camp rules...in your own way,” he said, again in that sweet smooth voice of his. Like hot butter. I poured us each a glass and brought out the cheese, fruit and crackers. I took a ripe summer cherry and bit into it, spitting out the pit and put the other half to his lips, which he took into his mouth, wrapping his beautifully sculpted lips around my fingers. God, he is too much. 

We snacked a bit, fed each other little bits, flirted and kissed and talked a bit about the last couple of days. He told me about a letter he received from his Dad, mentioning his mom’s health. He seemed concerned, but his dad told him not to worry too much, he would let him know if anything developed. I told him he could use the phone at my place if he needed to call home. I shared Molly’s news and how happy that had made me. We talked and nibbled, drank our juice, shared little kisses and soft caresses as we watched the sun set over the lake. 

I brought out two packages, wrapped in brightly colored birthday paper. “Happy Birthday, Benny, I hope you never forget this day,” I said quietly and kissed him on the cheek. The first gift he unwrapped contained a soft, mossy green t-shirt, v-neck that went perfectly with his eyes (and I won’t lie, the same ‘just a little tight’ size as his black one….) The second present was much smaller, and as he opened it, the gift sort of fell out into his lap. He scrambled around a bit before he found it, a double-wrap friendship bracelet of gray, green, brown and black with a Zephyr medallion worked into it, just like the ones the kids get at the end of their stay at camp. He looked at it for a moment, and I worried that maybe he thought it was stupid. Then I looked up and saw him staring into my face, “You made this for me?”

I smiled, and it was my turn to duck my head shyly. “Yeah, kind of silly, yeah? I wanted to make you something to remind you of this summer.” He grabbed me at the shoulders, bracelet hanging in one hand and pulled me to him in a hard hug. He held me there, tight and close, and I could feel his breathing was just a bit irregular. 

“I love it, Jenna. It’s perfect. Thank you so much.” He releases his tight arms and holds out his right wrist, “Will you….” I take the bracelet, wrap it twice and tie it off. Then I kissed the soft skin at his wrist and look back up into his eyes, now looking silvery in the almost darkness. “Jenna…”

I stopped him with a finger to his lips. “No, not now, Benny. There’s plenty of time later to talk about….all that. Now is birthday time. I’m just happy you like it.” I put my hand to his cheek and lean in for a kiss. Starting off with just barely a touch and sliding our lips together, then tongues meet and we’re pressed together as our kiss just goes on, saying everything we cannot say out loud. I put my hands in his hair and feel his hands at my waist. The nicest part of all this, is there is no hurry, no worry about getting caught. Just beautiful touches and wet, slick lips and tongues rubbing and dancing together. 

After a bit, I nudge him to sit in front of me, in the vee of my legs and lean back to watch the last of the sunset with me. Just a sliver of orangey-pink glow remains in the sky over its own reflection in the lake. It was beautiful, and I felt a swell of emotion as I put my arms around him and pressed my lips to his neck. He moved his hands to wrap them around my feet, warm and gently rubbing the soles. “This is so...special, Jenna. No one has ever gone to so much trouble to plan my birthday before. Dinners out, maybe a club, family get-togethers. This is totally unique. I am very grateful for this time with you.” He continues to rub my feet as I move my hands over his chest and whisper in his ear.

“Oh, my Benny, you deserve every beautiful thing this world has to offer. And I know you will appreciate each perfect moment.” I rub my hands down his chest to his belly, lifting his yellow t-shirt up a little bit so I could feel his soft skin. “May I take this off? I want to see you.” He nods and leans forward a bit, pulling the shirt up and over his head. “Ah, my god, Benny, every part of you is just glorious.” I trail my fingers over his back muscles, down the sides to his hips, thumbs to the center and up his spine. Dropping little kisses here and there, I rub my cheek against his warm skin, smelling him, feeling him, tasting his skin. I just couldn’t get enough.

The sun was set now, and the moon was rising in the east. Not quite full, but pretty bright, it turned the water of the lake a silvery shine and bathed Benny’s body in a cool, blue glow. I pulled him back to me as I smoothed my hands down over his ribs and around his navel. Trailing my fingertips around to his hip bones, running along the edge of his shorts. I could see he was affected by the way his hips were just slightly lifting into my touch, along with the hard ridge in the front of his pants. I played a bit with the button clasp, teasing a bit. “And these? I want to see you in your birthday suit…” and we both giggled a bit, as I undid the button and he pushed the shorts and boxers down his legs and off his feet, removing his sandals at the same time. Laying back into my arms once again, I marveled at the pure beauty of his body in the moonlight. His penis was thick and hard, bobbing a bit against his lower stomach. So beautiful, his body. Smooth and lean, lightly muscled with just enough body hair to be masculine and sexy. I run my fingers over his chest, lightly grazing his nipples that harden under my touch. Smoothing my hands down again to the grooves at his hips, gently taking his smooth, hard length in one hand as my other explores his trail of hairs running down from his navel to the soft curls below. He pushes up into my hand, throwing his head back on my shoulder, mouth open and eyes closed. I give him some long slow strokes, watching his body move and shudder under my touch. “You are like David, you know that?”

At my voice, his head jerks towards my face, “David? Who’s David?” I laugh, as he is clearly distressed.

“David, you know, Michelangelo's David? The statue, a monument to male perfection?” I smile and squeeze him close. He relaxes into me.

“I am such an idiot, I totally thought you were comparing me to some other guy you knew ‘one summer’...and Jenna, oh god, yes, that feels so good,” he moans as I resume stroking him, adding a little twist at the top, like he showed me. His hips start to move more, pushing into my hand, his breathing changes and my hand moves with his body as his orgasm builds. I press my other hand into his lower stomach and whisper into his neck.

“Yes, Benny, so sweet, that’s it. Make it feel good, move for me. Push your beautiful dick into my hand, perfect, beautiful Benny.” My hand on his tummy feels the muscles tighten as his hips push with more force. A single bead of fluid shines in the moonlight on the very tip of his dick, and when I swipe my thumb over the top and spread it around he clenches up, his whole body tight and muscles straining. And he’s there, coming for me, in my hand, long streams of white cum hitting his belly and running down over my fingers. I stroke him through it all, holding him in my arms and feeling so very lucky to be able to see him in this way, such perfect loveliness.

Moving my arms up to wrap around his chest, I kiss his cheek and he turns his face to me, shining, mirror eyes boring into mine, he places one hand at the back of my neck and pulls me in for a fierce kiss. After a moment or two, he pulls away to smirk at me, “David, eh?” I laugh and push at him a bit so I can reach into my bag. I pull out a soft cotton hand towel and use it to wipe him gently, cleaning the stickiness off his satin skin. He looks at me with surprise, “You really did think of everything, didn’t you?”

“Oh, honey, you are about to find out. Ready for your next present?” His eyes go very wide, as he swallows hard and nods his head. “Stand up with me.” I reach into my bag and grab his last wrapped present. We stand together and I hand him the small box. He takes it in his elegant hands and begins to open it. Once the paper is removed, he pauses momentarily to look into my eyes and lean forward for another kiss. “Go ahead,” I whisper to him, “Open it.” So he lifts the lid off the square box, looks inside and grins so big I think his face will split. “Tonight’s the night, Happy Birthday, my Benny.” He holds up the contents of the box, a single condom.

He whoops loudly as he wraps me tight in his strong arms and lifts me for a quick spin. “You are fucking amazing, you know that? Always surprising me, but just what I want. Where in the world did you come from, Jenna?” He sets me down gently and moves in for another kiss. “I cannot wait another minute, I am so ready to make love to you.” Whispered close to my ear, he begins kissing down my neck, moving the strap of my top to the side and licking, kissing, nibbling on the sensitive skin under my jaw. “Now,” he groans into my neck, “Now I want to see you, here in the moonlight.” He leans down placing the box to the side of the quilt and comes back up to me, lifting my top up and over my head and releasing the clasp on my bra. Tossing both aside he runs his hands down my outstretched arms, thumbs brushing the sides of my breasts and down to my waist. He leans down to take my nipple between his teeth so very gently, just an easy pull, then the warmth of his bow-shaped lips soothing and sucking. Drawing my body into him, and nothing, nothing prepared me for the feel of his fully naked body pressed to mine. 

A hiss of pleasure escaped my lips as he released my nipple and dropped to his knees in front of me. My hands cradled his face, gently rubbing and tracing the lines of his features. His graceful fingers undo the button and zip of my pants, pushing them down over the curve of my hips. Then I hear him chuckle as he realizes I am not wearing any panties. “Delightful, another surprise.” He bends down to remove my pants from around my feet and put them aside. On his knees in front of me, he looks up with his moonlight eyes, and presses his lips to my mound, again, a smile of surprise as awareness dawns. I am smooth and hairless there, for him. For me. Because it feels so good. “For fuck’s sake, Jenna, anything else you want to tell me? God, this is beautiful. So perfect. So soft. May I….may I taste you? You smell heavenly.” I nod, knowing I am not able to speak in this moment. He pushes his face between my legs, and I can feel him inhaling deeply. God, what a turn on, a man who appreciates the smell and taste of desire. And then his tongue slips between my lower lips and I respond to his movement by pushing my hips into his face and letting out a desperate moan. He pulls back and looks up at me, hands wrapped around my hips. “Okay, love?” he purrs softly. I smile and nod. Oh yes.

He moves back into me, sliding his tongue along my silky skin. The sensation is so incredible, when his tongue finds my clit, I rocked my body into him. He pulls back and stands up, surrounding me in his arms, we stand there in the moonlight for a moment, just caught in the beauty of the moment. “Lie down for me, Jenna. I need to see all of you, taste you, touch all of you.” So I do. I do exactly as he says. He follows me down onto the soft quilt, leaning over me to kiss my mouth, and I taste myself on his lips. We kiss feverishly, and sense each other’s body just a breath away. Holding himself over me, his muscles tense and defined in the moonlight. He trails his lips down my neck, between my breasts, down to my belly button. Dipping his tongue inside, he continues over my smooth, hairless mound and breathes lightly on the sensitive skin there. “Gorgeous,” he murmurs, “so sweet and lovely.” Nuzzling into my flesh, his tongue flicks out to lick me yet again, placing just a bit of pressure where I need it. I lift my hips to increase the push and recognize that familiar feeling building. He feels it too and presses his face more firmly into my wet pussy, as I begin to writhe and wiggle against him. His tongue finds my hot spot and as he begins to circle and stroke with his tongue he puts one long finger inside me and I am gone. So hard, I am coming on his face, and he is drinking my orgasm from me as his finger fucks hard up into me. He holds me tight with one arm under my back as I arch impossibly into his hands and face and….oh god, Benny.

I lay there under the moon-filled sky, completely naked and eyes open, my breathing is ragged and my heart is pounding. “So perfect, so fucking perfect...Oh Benny, thank you for that.” I continue to stare up into the summer night sky, as my breathing calms I feel his warm hands rubbing my ankles, sweeping up my calves, over my knees and stroking my trembling thighs. 

“Jenna, I wish you could see yourself the way I see you now. You are glowing in the moonlight,” his hands soothing and calming my body back to him. “You are a beautiful woman, and I can’t quite believe I am the one who gets to see you like this.” Warm hands smoothing over my hips and belly as he leans over me. “So free, a masterpiece of feminine beauty in the moonlight. And mine, tonight you are all mine.” He braces himself with one hand by my shoulder, using the other to caress up and across my chest, gently tracing my curves and moving up to cup my cheek as his face lowers to mine, just barely apart, he whispers, “Mine, all mine.”

I whisper raggedly to him as he hovers over me, strong muscles quivering with his effort, my arms come up around his shoulders and pull him to me hard, “All yours, whatever you want.” Our bodies crash together, for the first time with no barriers between us, all skin and smell and touch and movement. We kiss like we haven’t seen each other for days, mouths open, tongues reaching and twining together and we roll together, legs intertwining, chests pressed hard against the other, arms holding tight. I feel his dick against my upper thigh, hard and leaking, we push our hips in to each other, wanting more, wanting everything but so wrapped up in the incredible sensation of being totally naked together for the very first time. I cannot get enough of the feel of his skin, my hands almost frantic as I seek to touch him everywhere. He rolls me on top of him and I push my hands into his hard chest, lifting my upper body and pushing my pelvis into him, adjusting our position so his cock slots right between my legs, we both can feel my slick skin on the smoothness of his dick. Looking into his eyes, I begin to move, feeling the urgency of our arousal. He pushes up as we grind our bodies together, his eyes hooded as he gazes up at me, my hair falling around our faces as our pace increases and we’re moving, and pushing, and...and...he grabs my hips to hold them still. Breathes out heavily and closes his eyes for a moment. We are perfectly still, like statues in the light of the moon.

He pushes himself up to kiss me and whispers, “Any more of that, and we won’t need the condom…” I huff out a breath and lift myself off him. Reaching over, I pick up the condom and open the wrapper, holding it out to him. He smiles, gets up on his knees, sitting back on his heels and rolls the condom on his penis. His thigh muscles are beautiful and his dick stands up straight and long, ready for me. I lay down on the quilt in front of him and open my legs. 

“Come here, you sexy beast, it is time for you to fuck me.” I reach out for his hand and pull him down to me. Once again he places one hand by my head to balance himself, and takes his shaft in the other, moving his hips forward to trace up and down my pussy lips with the tip of his cock. It is so smooth, a beautiful glide, I am soaking wet and ready for him. “You feel that, Benny? You magnificent creature? Do it, it’s going to feel so good when you stick your dick in me. Come on, baby.” He groans into my neck and breathes for just a moment. He pulls his head up to look me in the eye, and I am slayed by the raw passion in his expression. Shifting his hips just a bit, he uses his hand to place himself at my wet and needy opening, our breathing stutters, but our eyes hold fast as he sinks so very slowly, barely moving at all, feeling each bit of skin as he fills me, stretches me, a tiny bit at a time. We are so connected in this moment, eyes and breath and bodies and...there. 

He closes his eyes for a moment, we savor the feeling, this very first time, then I give him a little squeeze with my internal muscles, causing him to groan and twitch. And when he opens his eyes there is a new Benny there, his eyes are dark and a little dangerous, mouth set in a hard line. His voice is low and gravelly, “Now, Jenna. I am going to fuck you now. I hope you are ready, because I am going to tear you apart.” And he slams his open mouth on mine as his hips pull away and slam back into me. I scratch my short nails down his back and grab his ass, feeling the flesh moving under my hands as he pounds me into the ground. I wrap my legs around his waist and hold on for dear life.

“Yes, Benny, oh my god, yes. Harder, Baby, God. You feel amazing,” as our pace quickens and his thrusts become more powerful I lose the ability to speak and the air is filled with the sounds of our sex, skin smacking, breath gasping, moans and low grunts from him, higher pitched whines from me. I press my heels into the quilt and push up into him, meeting his body with more, more impact, more force. We are lost, and he is tensing up and I arch my back, pushing my chest up into him, he takes a nipple into his mouth and sucks hard as his hips stutter and he slams into me, two, three more times. Releasing my nipple he arches up, lifting his face to the sky as I feel him pulse inside me. Little pushes as he comes down and I am tipped over the edge myself, coming hard with him inside me, causing him to groan again. We are frozen for a moment, then collapse into each other, breathing hard and sharing soft kisses. 

We lay there for a long while, stuck together with sweat and fluids, he has softened but is still inside me. I hold him to me tight, and look up at the stars just starting to appear. I am overwhelmed with….emotion, and I have to fight back tears for the beauty of this moment. 

He burrows his face into my neck and mumbles something. I smile, and kiss his ear. “What, Benny? I couldn’t understand you.” 

He lifts his head to look at me, sweet, shy Benny is back, and he says, “Fireworks. That was amazing.” And he kisses me tenderly.


	8. Afterglow

Pulling apart, we sit up carefully. I reach into the bag for another soft towel to clean us up. He removes the condom and places it back into the box along with the discarded wrapper. He looks up at me with a silly glint in his eyes, “Easier to get rid of the evidence this way, yeah?” I laugh softly and pull him to me for a gentle kiss. There is no post-sex awkwardness, here. Just comfortable, sweet moments together. Pulling my cigarettes out of the bag I hand him one and he moves to sit behind me, reversing our positions from earlier.

Sitting quietly together, watching the lake reflecting the night sky, we are both lost in our thoughts for a bit. Blowing out smoke, I think of moments tonight where I was almost overwhelmed with emotion. Admitting to myself that I love him is hard enough, but loving him each day that I have him is my honor and privilege. The hard part will be keeping that from him, I cannot be responsible for holding him back.. But God, that moment just before he fucked me, when I saw a glimpse of the man he would become. A bit harder than he is now, but strong, in control, confident, maybe even a bit dominant. No longer Benny, but Benedict. A perfect man.

“Jenna,” his soft, warm molasses voice, “You okay?” His arm wraps around my middle as he presses his chest into my back. 

“Hmm?” drawn away from my meandering thoughts, I place my hand over his and turn my face into his neck. “Yes, Benny, I am more than okay. Perfect, actually. You?”

I watch him exhale the last drag, tilting his chin up, so freaking sexy. He stubs his cigarette out on the ground and wraps both arms around me, nuzzling his face down into my shoulder. “Yes, I...that was great, everything I have been hoping for, and ….more, Jenna. God, Jenna, there are things inside my head, things I want to say to you...tell you what I’m feeling. I am usually good at expressing myself, but in this case...everything seems fraught with consequence. I’m just not quite sure….”

Turning myself in the circle of his arms, I place a hand to his cheek, saying softly, “It’s okay, babe, I feel it too. Like I’m going to burst with the feelings and words I’m holding in check. Will you trust me that it’s okay to just know they are there? For now? For both of us?” He nods and closes his eyes for a second, breathing in through his nose, a small hitch of breath there, telling me he is fighting back the sharp edge of tears as well. Bittersweet, to mourn something that hasn’t ended. But we both know.

Opening his lustrous eyes, we meet for a touch of lips, gently saying without words, I adore you, I care for you, you are so special, let me love you. 

And a bit later, moments or minutes or hours, we quietly begin to pack up our things, dress ourselves and prepare to return. It is late, after midnight and camp is silent. We walk side by side through the shadows, feeling the weight of the evening’s events upon us. As we step into the grass to cross the field, he reaches for my hand, brings it to his lips. “You had me pack a bag, we are going to your cabin?”

I squeeze his fingers and brush my thumb over his full lower lip. “Oh yes, Benny. If you want to. I plan on spending most of tomorrow in my bed with you.” I look up at him, my gray eyes meeting his, looking gray tonight as well. And we walk across the field hand in hand.

Entering my place from the back deck we drop our bags on the dining room table. “Join me for a shower?” I ask him. “It is small, but maybe we can manage.” So shedding our clothes once again, we step into my bathroom and turn the water on. As it warms up he takes me in his arms and whispers. 

“May I wash your hair? I would love to take care of you tonight.” I push up on my toes to kiss him. Such a sweet and caring person, some woman will be so fortunate….

Breaking those thoughts before they could crumple me, I pull him under the hot water, and we wash and rub and move our hands over all of each other. He uses my lavender soap on both of us, and lathers up my hair, running his fingers gently over my scalp to rinse the suds away. As I return the favor, I tell him, “You do know that now you will smell like me?” And we grin goofy smiles at each other.

“I was counting on it,” as he pulls our wet bodies close. He is hard again against my belly, as his mouth meets mine and we realize the water is going cold. It is refreshing though, on this warm summer night, and as we step out of the tub and towel each other off, we are hungry for each other yet again. I take his hand and lead him to my bedroom, pulling back the quilt on my bed showing the clean lilac sheets beneath. 

“Lay down, you gorgeous thing,” I say in a hush, and taking his hand I place it on his already hard cock. “Touch yourself for me, I will be right back.” I watched his eyelids quiver as his huge hand wrapped around his hard length and started to stroke gently. Popping into the next room I grabbed the box of condoms, cigarettes and lighter from the bag on the kitchen table, and turned out the lights and locked all my doors. 

Returning to the bedroom I watched him, there on my bed. I had been imagining him there for weeks now. Reality is so much better. Lighting a couple of candles, placing the other supplies nearby, I climb onto the bed with him. I place my hand on his to encourage him to keep touching himself as I lean in to kiss him, pressing my body to his side. Wet hair from the shower, clean, sweet smelling bodies and soft sheets. His cheek a little rough with stubble at this late hour, so very sexy. We press together as he starts to move with his hand. I kiss his neck and chest, use my tongue on his nipple as I lift myself over him. Reaching for a condom, he removes his hand from his penis, lets me take over as he puts it on. This time I lean down into him and whisper just into his lips, “Are you ready for me, Benny?”

He groans deep in his chest as I hold him in place. I wait for him to push up a bit, show me how badly he wants me. Then I sink down on him, filling up my spaces with his body, his hands on me, his mouth on mine, his dick deep inside. We are still for a second, then I begin to move on him, thigh muscles lifting up and down, his eyes are closed, head thrown back exposing his long neck and perfect jawline. He moves with me, hands on my hips as we gently thrust, I push up so he can see me, and when he opens his eyes, there it is again. 

Dark and stormy, his eyes watch me ride him, when my hands come up to cup my breasts he hisses and groans and tightens his fingers around my hips, helping me lift and lower on to his dick, wet and smooth and harder each time. In that low voice of his he moans to me, “Fuck, yes, touch your tits, gorgeous Jenna, I want to watch you break me. Break me in half, fuck, fuck!” His thrusts are getting rougher as the bed starts to creak and we are losing control again. He sits up, one hand to my lower back holding me to him as he shoves up inside me. His other hand grabs my breast and pulls me to his mouth. He wraps those full gorgeous lips around my nipple and sucks as our movements become less coordinated and more frantic. I love this angle as his pubic bone is grinding into my clit and I feel it building, tense and sharp and sweet and I can’t stop, and he is thrusting and sucking and...and...there at the crest everything stills...right on the edge. I hold him to me as tightly as I can, and when he moves again I am coming, muscles contracting inside and out, and it goes on and on and I can’t stop the tears the intensity is so fierce. And I hear him stutter in a groan, “Je...j-j-jennnna...hhnnnggffuuuck,” as he lifts the both of us off the bed with his hips and I feel him coming, his dick pulsing inside me and his abdomen tensing tight and hard. His face wracked and he is sobbing out my name.

And we fall apart into the sheets. Breathing heavy and staring at the ceiling. So this is not a one-shot. Now we know. This is just going to get more and more intense every time. How does a person survive something like this? We are going to destroy each other, with soft kisses, unspoken words and brutal, fantastic fucking.

Barely cleaning up, blowing out the candles, we tumble into each other’s arms and sleep in the smell and feel of our bodies together.

 

I wake some hours later to the feel of a warm hand at my waist, opening my eyes I see the field out my window draped in gray mist. I sigh in contentment as his warm body moves to my back and his hand gently strokes my skin, up and down my side, across my belly, up to my breasts. “Good morning, beautiful,” he whispers in my ear and lays kisses down my neck and across the top of my shoulders, giving me shivers I can feel in my teeth. I push my hips back into his warmth and feeling his hardness against the cleft of my ass, I groan his name as we move together, rocking gently in the quiet morning light. “May I…” he says softly, “I want to make love to you like this…” and he reaches down to my crotch, pushing my pelvis back into him. His fingers gently stroke my soft skin and find a way in, to wetness and pleasure. Working me with his fingers and moving our hips together, holding my body to him, it is so beautiful, so incredibly sensuous.

“Oh...oh, yes, Benny.” I breathe out the words, already open and wanting him so badly. He pulls away and the loss of his warmth is grievous, but he puts on a condom quickly and is back, skin warm and satiny smooth against my back, hand between my legs again. I lift my right leg a bit and he uses his hand to place his cock at my opening, then pulls me back into him as he slips inside. Surrounding me with his arms, we push together, his front to my back. And a sweet, beautiful sigh escapes him as he seats himself inside me. His fingers find my pussy again, gently stroking as he softly presses in from behind. We rock together slowly, working our way together. I reach behind to grab his ass, kneading the firm flesh there and pulling him closer. His fingers trace around where his penis enters my vagina, spreading the wetness there and then up to give my clit some gentle strokes. The heat builds, I feel him swell and harden inside me as we move, his hot breath in my ear.

“Mmmmyeah, love. That’s it. I can feel you squeezing me inside. Just there, yeah? Oh, Jenna, yes, do it. Together, I love this, this…” his words punctuated by increasingly powerful thrusts, his hand working my pussy relentlessly, I am grabbing his ass hard, I arch back into him as the sensation builds, and rises, and climbs...and holding my breath as my climax burns, stars explode behind my eyes and he plunges into me from behind, so hard, so fierce...and he is there with me, one arm under my neck reaching across to grab my breast, squeezing and the other between my legs as we dissolve in pulsing, contracting muscles and panting, moaning breaths.

And he holds me as we come down, we are quiet together. He lays soft kisses on my back, neck and shoulders, my hands on top of his, one at my chest and one down below. If only….we could stay like this….”Benny. Sweet Benny. That was...beautiful. Thank you.”

He squeezes me with his whole self, “No need for thanks, love. Every time with you is perfection. I’ve never...it’s not...bloody hell, why is this so hard to say? There is never anything awkward about this with you, everything just flows so perfectly and feels so amazing. So natural, like we were meant to do this together.” And he buries his face in my hair, like he is embarrassed, like that wasn’t just the most eloquent declaration of love, and desire. Tears prick behind my eyelids, I take a deep breath. Disentangling from him I turn over and take his face in my hands, look deep in his eyes.

“Yes, you are absolutely right. For me as well. I can’t get enough of you, Benny. I don’t think I ever will.” I kiss his sweet lips and wrap my arms around him holding him tight. Oh, we are so heading down a path of destruction. But I just don’t care. Not if this is what we get in the meantime. It would be criminal to deny ourselves this perfection. 

An hour later we are sitting in my kitchen, enjoying strong coffee and a cigarette. I am wearing his yellow t-shirt and nothing else, he has on soft pajama pants that hang low on his hips. We stare at each other across the table, hair tousled and kiss-swollen lips smiling, satisfied. Talking of inconsequential things, fingers tangled together between us. We have most of the day together, stretching out before us.

“Jenna, can I ask you something?” he sips his coffee as he waits for my reply.

“Of course, Benny, anything…” That is, anything except how I truly feel about him...but yeah. So he lifts his eyes to mine, gray-green in the rainy morning light.

“You’ve talked a little about your ‘summer flings’, but never really said much about serious relationships. Have you ever been in love?” There is no shyness in his question or his expression. We are past that now. I want to be honest with him, so he can know me, and my heart, as well as he knows my body.

Wrapping my hands around my mug, I look down at the table for a moment before meeting his gaze once more. “Yes. Twice. Once at seventeen, and once in college. How much do you want to know?”

“Everything, Jenna, anything you want to tell me. I need to know all about you.” He gets up, gets the coffee pot and pours us a warm up. Sitting back down across from me, he reaches out to gently stroke the back of my hand. I lace my fingers together with his, and start my story.

“When I was seventeen, I came to camp for my first full summer. I was so inexperienced, a virgin. A good girl. I always got good grades, never got in trouble, was involved in all kinds of school activities. I loved camp, it was my happy place as a child, where people loved me unconditionally and I could get away from my dysfunctional family and be truly free. I knew I wanted to work with kids, and I was looking forward to spending a whole summer with new friends, honing my skills and well, I didn’t expect to be someone else’s summer fling.” Benny startled at that. Surprise on his face. I smiled at him and continued, “His name was Todd and he was the Pool Director that summer. I had no idea, no clue that I was just another in a long string of girls, summer after summer. And I had no one to warn me to be careful, careful with my body, careful with my heart.”

“He pursued me relentlessly, watched me with dark eyes that promised filthy, fantastic things. Two weeks. That’s all it took, and I was gone. He was everywhere. He was a man and I was a girl, and he broke me. We fucked everywhere, on camp and off, I barely remember anything about the kids, or other friends. I thought he loved me, he would say it, told me stories of how I would come visit him at school and we would party and then he would take me with him when he joined the Marines and we would travel and live together. And he would use these fantasies to persuade me to do all kinds of things I didn’t want to do.”

“He liked to watch me with other guys, one weekend he took me to a party with some of his college friends and well, there was probably something in my drink, now that I look back, but basically he brought me there to watch his friends fuck me. And I didn’t resist. I thought he was there to keep me safe, watch over me. I thought I was making him happy.”

“The last night of camp, he took me one final time in the shed by the pool. It was dirty and rough, and he said terrible things. And when it was over, he said, ‘Thanks for the fun this summer, you’ve been a good little slut for me.’ And he left me there and went to a party with the rest of the staff. He never spoke to me again.” I looked down at my hands, embarrassed, sharing this with him. 

So softly I almost couldn’t hear him, Benny said, “Jenna. Jenna, look at me.” I raised my eyes to his, a tear ran down his cheek as he stood and came over to kneel beside me. “I am so sorry I asked you to share this. How...how could anyone treat you that way? Didn’t he know what he had in you? God, I want to kill him.” I laughed a bit, but it was harsh as the emotions of that time coursed through me. 

“Thanks, baby, but there’s no need.” I said, “But there is a little more to that story, you should probably know. After that summer, I was home, in my senior year of high school. In late September I found out I was pregnant.” Benny hissed and wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me tight. I lit another cigarette and continued. “Remember I was a good girl, right? Being pregnant before marriage was still pretty shocking in 1987, at least in Ohio. So when I went bad, I went really bad. I didn’t even know if the baby was Todd’s. There had been a few others, as I mentioned, at his...suggestion. So I had an abortion, and it went badly. I was sick for a long time. And sick at heart. Buried in pain and humiliation for my own stupidity. My parents were shocked and angry and disappointed. I finished my senior year with my head down, just trying to get through. The only thing that brought me any comfort was my music. I wrote songs and practiced piano and guitar and auditioned for college. Working hard was the only way out of my hole of darkness.” Taking a deep drag on my smoke I thought about what to tell him next. He lifted up to take my face in his hands and kissed me gently, our shared taste of strong coffee and cigarettes. I kissed him back, loving how he wants to make this better.

“So I was accepted to study music and then faced another summer at camp. I toyed with the idea of not going back, but as my strength and mental health returned, I was damned if I was going to let him, and my own stupidity, rob me of the most important thing in my life. So I met with the camp director, and apologized for my conduct the previous summer, asking for another chance. She gave it to me. In many ways, Joanne was my savior. I poured myself into the work, into the kids, into making camp a better place each day. And it healed me.” I got up from the table, taking our mugs to the sink to rinse them out. I pulled some bacon and eggs from the fridge and started breakfast for us. Benny moved back to his chair, lighting another smoke.

I was a bit afraid to look at him, but when I did, I saw his eyes shining in admiration. “ ‘It is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves.’ ” He quoted. “Shakespeare. The thing I have admired about you since the first time we met, was how self-assured you are, like you always know just the right thing to do, for others, for camp, for yourself. For me. Jenna,” he comes over to stand behind me at the stove, wrapping his arms around my waist, “That which didn’t kill you made you the strongest woman I have ever met.” He hugs me, holds me, and kisses my hair. I turn in his arms and hug him back, gripping him tightly.

I whisper to him, “And you need to know, Benny, that my summer flings….they are not retribution for what I allowed to happen to me, but…”

He interrupts me, “-your way of fixing it. I get it. I can’t imagine anyone leaving your arms and not being a better man for it. How do you do that? Turn everything around to something positive and wonderful?”

“I don’t know that I succeed, but I try. Always. I always try to be better, do better, and leave others better than I found them. It’s all I can do.” I look up into his gorgeous face, definitely more stubble this morning. His perfect features draw me in yet again for more gentle kisses. The bacon sizzles and pops behind me, reminding me to pay attention to the task at hand. “Why don’t you go have a quick shower and shave while I finish our breakfast?” He nods, gives me another kiss and heads out of the kitchen. 

As I cook, I think about how easy it was to tell him my darkest, most painful memories. How receptive and supportive he was. I admit to worrying that he’s standing in the shower overcome with disgust for the weak person I was. But then I think about how he listened, and how he looked at me with respect and admiration, not disappointment or regret. Placing the cooked bacon on paper towels, I start our eggs, scrambled with some onion and garlic and cheddar cheese. Bread in the toaster and two glasses of juice, I set the table, removing the ashtray and bringing our plates. 

Benny enters the kitchen in a clean pair of light blue boxers, rubbing a towel over his hair, curls flying everywhere. He is breathtaking, clean and shiny, face smooth and smiling at me. We sit to eat and stare at each other. Between bites, he says, “God, this is so good, you can cook, too?” I laugh and nod, chewing on my bacon. “So you said you were in love twice, want to tell me about the second one?” His bright eyes, silvery blue this time, look up into mine. Amazing. Not only is he not scared off by my past, he wants more.

“Well, the second is not quite as dramatic, thank goodness. I dated a guy in college for almost two years. His name was Allen. He was a trumpet player, we had the same major. Allen was a really nice guy, from a good family, didn’t drink or party much. We were very ‘domestic’ very quickly, I basically lived with him for a year. I hated my dorm and we were in the same building for classes everyday….it was mostly safe and convenient, honestly. We fooled around, but only had sex a couple of times. Very….um, calm. Nice.”

“Sounds boring.” Benny smiles, taking a drink of his juice and spreading some jam on his toast.

I laughed out loud. “Yes, exactly. But in the moment it felt good. It was what I needed. We talked about getting married, moving back to West Virginia to be near his parents. Teaching music together, having a couple of kids. A perfect happy boring life. And it would have been, probably. But he graduated before me and we split up, thinking the long distance would be too stressful. Good thing too, because I realized that I needed a bit more excitement in my life, and I guess he realized that he liked to have inappropriate relationships with his students.” Benny’s face was priceless. Mouth open, eyes wide. “Yeah,” I said, “Glad I got out of that one before I was the wife to a sexual predator.” 

“God, Jenna, your life! All this time and I knew nothing about all this. You are amazing,” he reaches out to wipe a bit of butter from my lip and I grab his hand, licking his fingertips.

“No, Benny, you are the amazing one. And you can do the dishes while I shower and then we’ll see what kind of trouble we can get into,” I lean over and kiss him hard, then flounce off towards my room.

Coming out of the bathroom a bit later to see him lounging on my bed, boxers are gone, hand gently stroking himself. He smiles up at me as I dry my hair, I cannot take my eyes off him, he is so beautiful. He says, “I believe you said something about being naked as much as possible today…” I drop my towel and jump on the bed with him.

“What is this? Christmas in July? I must have been a very good girl to deserve this.” I capture his soft lips in mine, sucking on that luscious lower lip like it was a piece of candy. He wraps his arms around me, pulling himself up so I am sitting in his lap. I grab his head in both hands, running my fingers through his hair, curly and soft. As we kiss, I just need to taste him, licking across those sharp cheekbones, around his ear, down his neck. “God, Benny, you are delicious. Can I lick you everywhere?” More tasting him as I rub my body against him and move lower, sucking a hard little nipple into my lips and rolling my tongue around it. 

“Unghhh, Jenna, yes, please.” He whines a little as he arches his back up and to me. I cover his ribs and belly with kisses and licks, long strokes of my tongue, finding sensitive little spots to suck a little harder. Moving down his body, I make sure part of me is touching his erect penis, giving him just a little friction, making him want my mouth on him. Sliding down his body I pull back a bit to gaze upon his perfect, beautiful self, eyes closed, head thrown back, breathing heavy. Kissing his hip bone, licking and sucking the skin there where his leg meets his pelvis, he’s pushing up into my face, my hands wrapped around his ass, pressing him up into me, He smells amazing, my lavender soap, warm skin and the secret scent of his arousal. God, I am always turned on with him, but to be so close….

I nuzzle my nose along his prick, skin so hot and smooth, hard like steel underneath. Placing soft kisses and licks around the crown, pulling little sounds from deep in his chest as he pushes himself up into my face. I open my lips just enough to take in the head and suck just a little, running my tongue along the slit and tasting his precum there. I moan at the taste, knowing it means he wants more, wants me. I open my mouth and breath gently on him, looking up to see his eyes on me, I reach out to him with my tongue, my eyes pinning him in place, then take him inside, my tongue flat against the underside, soft easy movements as I wrap my lips around him. Allowing the saliva to pool in my mouth, I use it to make him wet, it runs out of my lips and down my chin as I begin to move on him, taking as much as I can with each stroke. His hands on my head, helping me feel what he wants, what he needs. His hips move as he fucks my mouth, then his fingers grip my hair to still me. I let his perfect cock fall from my lips, as he freezes, breathes heavy and tries to control himself. A beautiful moment to see how wrecked he is, just there, wanting to savor the moment. “Oh Jenna, I want… god, I want so…”

Coming back up to his face I give him a lingering kiss, diving into his mouth with my tongue. “Yes, my Benny? Anything you want…” He kisses me back hard, our tongues struggling to take each other’s mouths. He sits up and gestures for me to lay down on my side, running his hands down my body as he moves himself, placing his face right near my core, and lifting my top leg to rest on his shoulder. Catching on to his idea, I scoot myself closer to him, my eyes level with his hips. He bends his knee and pushes his dick towards my face. I move one hand under his bottom leg and around to caress his balls as I use the other to hold his thick shaft and move to place my lips on him again. I lick and suck on the head, grasping and stroking his shaft with the movement of his pelvis, fingers gently teasing and running along the tight skin behind his balls.

He moves his head and I gasp as his lips and tongue move into my pussy and I am pushing into his face. His tongue licks along my soft lower lips and dips inside. A beautiful groan escapes him as we both begin to move into each other, using our mouths and hands to bring one another incredible sensation and pleasure. He wraps one arm around my ass, pushing two fingers up into my wetness as his tongue circles my clit. We are licking and sucking and touching each other in our most private places, such a beautiful and comfortable combination. He is so hard in my mouth and he begins thrusting rhythmically as his mouth works wonders on me. I feel my orgasm building, I want more, more pressure. He gives it to me, sucking hard on my clit, fucking me hard with his fingers, as his cock nearly chokes me but I hang on and suck him as hard as I can. He tightens up, I can feel it in my mouth and my fingers on his balls, and he is coming down my throat as my body gives into the beautiful sensation of his sucking lips and fucking fingers. We push and shudder and moan into each other, crying out as the waves crash over us. Each time more intimate, more sensual, more, more, more.

We fall away from each other, lying opposite directions on the bed as we breath heavy and our bodies still convulse and twitch. His hand finds mine between us and gives my fingers a squeeze. Neither of us speaks, there don’t seem to be words to adequately describe this moment, the way we have become intimate lovers, drawing sensual and passionate reactions from each other, each time new and intense and ….perfect.

I feel him sit up on the bed, I open my eyes to see him gazing down at me. He is holding my hand and his eyes are bright, yet so loving. He pulls me to him, surrounding me with his warmth, my cheek pressed against the soft hairs of his chest. I wrap my arms around his waist and we stay that way awhile, his hands petting my hair and rubbing soft strokes down my back. 

 

Later that afternoon, after a nap for me and a phone call to London and his parents for him, we are trying to get dressed and ready for our dinner out with friends in my small bathroom. We keep bumping into each other, and then it’s arms wrapped around each other, long kisses and sweet sighs. We don’t say much, it is as if our time together this morning stole our words as we said everything with our bodies, hands, lips, skin and mouths. It is sweet and fun, punctuated with giggles and sweet smiles and more kisses.

Eventually we are ready, as we share a cigarette on my back deck, he looks at me, up and down, apparently appreciating my choice of short jean skirt and strappy sandals, red peasant top with a rather low-cut front. My hair was down, brushed out straight and just a bit at the top pinned back. A little mascara and red lip gloss, his eyes lingered there and I was pretty sure it would be gone by the time we got to the bar. I smiled and looked at him, wearing his new green shirt, tight black jeans and oh god, those boots again. His bracelet looked so sexy against his tan skin and his hair, messy, but gorgeous. His eyes, I knew that shirt would do evil things to his eyes….dark and greener than usual, almost hazel. He takes my hand in his, using the other to lift the cigarette to his mouth, and I swear to god he is the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen, as he says to me, “God, Jenna, you are the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen.” And I burst into giggles. He laughs with me as we lock up my place and head out to my car. 

Pulling up outside Lucky’s, a local bar and grille, I cut the ignition and take his hand. We have had a lovely quiet day together, and now...into the fire, right? I look at him,he is staring forward through the windshield. “Benny, everything okay?” I ask softly. He looks at me, the flashing neon from the bar windows coloring his face. He smiles.

“Of course, Jenna. What could be wrong? I was just thinking that it’s not too late to turn around and head back to your place, just us. It’s so….comfortable. This…” He nods towards the bar, “is going to be a bit crazy.” He squeezes my hand. I move to rub the back of his neck.

“Benny, we should go in, but we don’t have to...you know. Announce anything. Could be I just gave you a ride here. If it’s too much…” I say as my fingers gently trace circles on his skin. 

He takes my hand and brings it to his lips, “Oh no you don’t, don’t you dare try to protect me from anything, Jenna. I am proud to be with you, every second, in front of anyone. I want everyone to know that I am the man that gets to touch you, kiss you, fuck you senseless, listen to you, laugh with you.” He leans in to give me a very loving, but heated and sexy kiss. “I was just considering the end of our little secret paradise thing we have going on.”

“Yeah, it has been pretty amazing. But we have friends here to celebrate your birthday, friends who are happy for us, or will be, when they know. So...ready?” I give him another squeeze and he kisses me again. There goes that lip gloss. We part and get out of the car. He comes around to my side, taking my hand and leads me towards the entrance to Lucky’s.

Stepping inside we hear a loud cheer, and cries of both our names and birthday wishes. It seems the entire staff has shown up tonight, as well as the bar regulars. Summer staff often doesn’t realize that when you live on camp year round, you get to know the regulars, Mike and I spend many a Saturday evening here, blowing off steam. Benny and I are holding hands as we come through the door and whistles and catcalls follow the greetings, those who didn’t already know we were together crowded around to offer congratulations with a lot of good-natured teasing. Benny was relaxed and smiling, he moved his hand to my waist as someone pushed a beer into his hand. Squeezing my side gently as he drinks from his mug, he is perfectly at ease. I reach up and kiss him on the cheek (to much hooting and hollering) and tell him I am going to head to the bar for a few minutes. He nods and turns to the group surrounding him, smiling and laughing at the innuendo and inevitable questions. 

I walk over to the bar, where us ‘old dogs’ tend to gather. Mike and Molly, Gretchen, Kelly and Charlie are there waiting. Nick, the bartender, asks me, “Beer or wine tonight, Jenna?” I am happy to see my friends there, all smiling at me, welcoming me back to their fold. 

“Hi Nick, good to see you tonight. Wine, please.” Molly hugs me and Charlie kisses my cheek. Mike looks over at Benny, surrounded by summer staff, then looks at me. “Yes?” I ask him with a smirk.

He smiles back and pinches my arm, “Nothing, sis, just glad you both look happy.”

I take my wine glass from Nick and look back to where Benny is smiling, and say, “Yeah, we are. It’s good. Very good.” Then I bury my face in my wine glass taking a big sip as my cheeks color a bit.

Molly laughs loud and jabs me in the stomach, “We weren’t asking about the sex, but thanks anyway for telling us!” And the group explodes in laughter, my cheeks even redder as I laugh with them. I love them all dearly, I know they love me too, and it is all in good fun.

We chat for a bit, then head over to the long table to mingle with our summer staff. Everyone is in good spirits, we order some food and enjoy being together. Benny and I sit together and everyone seems comfortable with things as they stand now. He leans over to whisper in my ear, “You are the most perfect woman here, I cannot take my eyes off of you.” His hand is on my thigh and our attraction crackles in the air between us. “Will you dance with me later?” 

I run my toes up his leg and giggle, “Only if you are a good dancer.”

His hand on my thigh sneaks under the hem of my skirt, just playful teasing, and whispers, “You’ve seen what I can do to you in bed, what do you think?” And we smile and kiss, and break apart to cries of,

“Get a room!” “Knock it off, you two!” “Eeuww, gross!”

I stand and raise my hand, the camp signal for quiet. Amazingly enough, they all quiet down, I am their leader after all. “Okay, everyone, thanks for all your loving attention, I do believe someone needs a birthday song!” The whole room erupted in a loud, boisterous rendition of “Happy Birthday”. Glasses were raised, food was delivered to the table and everyone settled down. 

About an hour later, waiting at the bar for Nick to refill my wine glass, Mike moved up next to me. We sat together quietly for a while, watching the group party. He gestured towards the far end of the table with his beer bottle, “I think you’ve got some green-eyed monsters down there.” I looked and saw a couple of girls with their heads together, talking animatedly, shooting some not-so-friendly looks my way. Ah. I am not surprised. Benny is a looker, and he is so sweet to everyone, I would be shocked if there weren’t a few girls on staff who were hoping to hook up with him. 

I shrugged and turned back to face the bar. “Eh, nothing I haven’t seen before, Mike. They will either get over it and get on with their summer, or cause a problem in their job and I will deal with it accordingly. No worries.”

He laughed and nudged my shoulder, “You are always so calm about this stuff, Jenna. I would worry and talk and generally create more of a problem, probably.”

I nod and sip my wine, “We’re different, Mike. It’s okay. If I thought Benny wanted to be somewhere else I’d let him. Who wants someone that doesn’t want them back? At this moment, though, I’m pretty sure he’s not going anywhere.” Benny caught my eye from the dance floor where he was goofing about with the other counselors. “I told him about Todd this morning.” Mike froze, looked at me sharply. He was the only person at camp that knew about that summer and what happened after. 

“Really.” he said to his beer bottle. “Any reason why?”

I shrugged. “He asked me if I had ever been in love. So I told him about Todd, and Allen as well.”

“Did you tell him about….after? What happened after that summer?” Mike and I had been friends since we were kids. And quite frankly we spent most of that summer not speaking to each other, he because he thought I was being stupid, and I because I was in over my head and wasn’t listening to anyone. Once he found out the rest of the story, Mike felt really bad that he hadn’t done more to protect me or save me, or some other crazy shit. Anyway, since that time he has always been protective. I appreciate it, I do. But sometimes he needs to be reminded that I own all of my stupid decisions, and it’s not his fault or responsibility. 

“Yes, Mike, I told him. I have no reason to be dishonest with him.” I said simply.

“What about, you know, the medical thing?” He asks quietly.

“He knows I had an abortion, knows it didn’t go well. He does not know that I can’t...you know. He doesn’t need to know that. He is leaving in August and it won’t affect him at all. And I don’t want him feeling sorry for me. He has such an incredible future ahead of him. All this,” I gestured to the room and everyone in it, “will someday be a fond, but distant memory….and that is as it should be.” My eyes follow Benny on the dance floor, he was right, he can dance. The way his body moves is kind of criminal, actually. 

“Jenna, you know I can hear the hurt in your voice, right? I have known you too long to not see it.” Mike is such a good friend. I tell him so.

Then I say, “But you are not responsible for taking care of me. I will be fine. I promise.” I give him a hug, set my wine glass on the bar and head over to the dance floor. Joining in with the group we all dance and get silly, Benny moves behind me, and as everything else with us, the heat rises. We grind a little bit, not too obvious, of course, we are in public, but we know how our bodies work together. It’s hard not to give in to the temptation to be all over each other. 

The music changes, a slow song, Clapton’s “Wonderful Tonight” and the lights on the small dance floor dim. I turn in the circle of his arms, wrapping my arms around his neck. He looks down into my face as his hands settle on my hips, “This is the perfect song for this moment,” he says as he leans in to kiss me gently. Our bodies move closer, swaying together. He takes one of my hands in his, pulls it up to kiss my fingers then holding it close to his warm chest. Singing along we look into each other’s eyes,

“We go to a party and everyone turns to see  
This beautiful lady that's walking around with me  
And then she asks me, "Do you feel alright?"  
And I say, "Yes, I feel wonderful tonight"

And it is such a perfect moment, and it seems we are alone in the world at this instant. When Clapton sings, “And the wonder of it all, is that you just don’t realize how much I love you,” Benny hugs me close, stares into my eyes - murky green into clear gray - and our lips touch and melt together. 

And that’s it. As close as we will get to expressing this...thing between us. I break our kiss, leaning my face down into his chest and try desperately to keep from sobbing.

A little later, everyone is saying their goodbyes as we are leaving the bar. I agreed to take a couple of counselors back to camp with us, so Benny and I were being casual, good thing after our moment on the dance floor. It seems everyone had a good time tonight, and no one was too drunk to act right. Thank goodness, some things just cannot be unseen, and people behaving badly is one of my pet peeves. But all is well and we make it back to camp just fine. The kids that rode with us head off towards the cabins, when they are out of sight, Benny grabs me and pushes me against the car with his body, I can feel how hot and worked up he already is. I take his hand and lead him to my bed.


	9. Snapshots

The summer rolls on, picking up speed and intensity. Benny and I throw ourselves into every moment, immersed in the joy and constant motion of daily camp routines and sneaking private hours to indulge our need for one another. 

A sweltering Tuesday night, he meets me at the top of the Tower, a five-level structure overlooking the river valley. As he climbs each level he is met with an item of my clothing: shoes, shorts, top, bra and panties. Climbing the last ladder to the top I am waiting for him in the quiet summer night, without words I remove his clothing and hand him a condom. He fucks me from behind, leaning against the railing looking out as the mist and fog roll up the valley. We have some time together and it starts slow and easy, all feeling and motion. As our passion builds, his hands grip my hips firmly and his thrusts become more powerful. He rubs his hand up my back and takes my ponytail in his large hand, pulling my head back with just enough pressure to make me arch my back into him as he grunts and jerks into me. I can’t see his face, but I know that expression is there, and as he takes me hard I cry out and feel him pulse inside me. 

Rain is lashing the tin roof of the log cabin as lightning and thunder flash and boom around us. In the dim firelight, he lays me down on a soft quilt, covering every inch of my body with exploring hands, gentle kisses and sweet words. I am not allowed to speak, he says, as he describes what he sees and feels in that voice dripping with rich honey-colored tones. “Ahhh, Jenna, skin so smooth, sweet. Softness, here where your breast meets your side. Mmmm….perfect, thin, frail skin at the wrist. May I leave a mark? I want to suck you here...and here…” and it goes on and on, I feel as if I am laid out upon an alter, being worshiped and adored. And when he pulls me onto his lap and I settle down upon him with him deep inside me, we move together in the soft firelight, overcome with the beauty of our lovemaking. Our cries swallowed up by the raging storm outside.

Dancing under the lights at the Thursday night pool party, teaching line dances to the kids, holding the limbo stick, serving kabobs from the grill and shaved ice on this hot summer evening. Moving from group to group, smiling and laughing. Watching each cabin present a skit or a song for the Talent Show. Allowing the counselors to lift me up and carry me around the pool, chanting and the kids are yelling as they toss me in the deep end, then most of them follow and there is general chaos and craziness. We share secret smiles throughout each part of the day, knowing the other is there and we are both waiting for opportunities to present themselves.

One day after lunch, he knocks at my sliding glass door, it is rest hour and he is usually with his campers at this time. His eyes are red and Mike is coming in the front door as Benny crosses to my couch and sits down with his head in his hands. Mike indicates that his kids are covered and I can take as much time as we need to figure this out. Mike leaves and I sit with Benny as he tells me bad news from home, his mum’s health took a turn for the worse, she is in the hospital and he feels the indecision and guilt about being so far away. We talk, I soothe him, he clings to me and cries, so open, so vulnerable in his helplessness. I ask him what he wants to do, we make phone calls and travel arrangements. I drive him to the airport, he will be home this time tomorrow. I drive back to camp, still a bit in shock, and find Mike to figure out coverage for Benny’s kids the rest of the week. Of course, I dive into the work to keep myself from dwelling too much on his absence and how everything seems to have lost its shimmer.

Five days later and he is back, his face relieved and happy when he sees me there to pick him up at the airport. Pulling me into his arms, he holds me tight, “God, Jenna, I missed you. Thank you for letting me go.” I squeeze him back and take his hand, leading him to the camp van. On the way home he tells me his mum is out of hospital and home resting, but will need some follow up care. He seems okay with coming back to the States and then staying with his original plan, saying his Dad and older sister supported that decision and will be there to care for her. We get back to camp late, he joins me at my place for a cigarette and a couple of hours in my bed before resuming his duties at breakfast the next morning. We make love sweetly, sensual touches and a slow build, savoring each feeling. As he slides into me, holding himself over me, our eyes meet and we are both struck by how limited this is, how hard it is going to be to say goodbye. But I refuse to allow this to become maudlin, throwing my legs up over his shoulders and raking my fingers down his back, “Now, Benny. Fuck me now, you gorgeous thing.” And he does. Over and over and over again, until we collapse from exhaustion.

The last session of summer has come, kids and parents filling up camp on this last Sunday registration of the season. Mike and I work like a well-oiled machine and everything goes smoothly. These early August days are sweltering, and the forecast this week is for near-record high temperatures. We prepped the counselors by emphasizing the importance of frequent water breaks and keeping an eye on their kids for heat-related illnesses. Gretchen is ready at the Health Center with ice packs and cool dark rooms for kids to rest. There always seems to be one week each summer that is just too hot, but we are proactive in looking out for our campers and staff. 

We are all sweaty all the time, and even Nightwatch is uncomfortable. After our last tour, Benny and I wind up at our tree. We are dripping in the heat, but nothing keeps our bodies from moving together, lips smashed together, our intensity is climbing as the time draws short. I kneel in front of him, pulling his shorts down around his ankles. As I take his hard dick in my hand and move my head towards him, he stops me with a gentle hand in my hair. “Jenna, wait.” I look up at him, as he pins me with his gaze, “Lord knows I want your mouth on me, but God, I am so sweaty, I probably smell like a trash bin. You don’t have to….”

I look up at him with a smirk, “Shut up, Benny. Close your eyes and shut up.” I take him in my mouth and suck on him, hollowing my cheeks and using my tongue to give him some pressure. He does stink, but it is just a sharper version of his Benny-smell, and I love it. He played hard with his campers today, he smells of sweat, and chlorine and maleness. I grasp his shaft and start stroking him as his hips move and his fingers run through my hair. I grab his ass with my other hand, sinking my fingers into the crease there, helping him thrust into my face. My fingers brush over his hole and the skin behind his balls and he moans low in his chest. Grazing my fingers over that area again and giving just a bit of pressure and he goes tight and still, and then comes hard in my mouth, and it is dirty and fast and hard. And so incredibly sexy. He falls to his knees in front of me, kissing me hard and then we are on the hard ground, his hand in my pants as I lift up into his probing fingers. Our mouths and lips and tongues are frantic with need as he works my clit, everything is sharper, faster, harder. The urgency builds as I need more and roll on top of him, pushing my hips down hard on his hand. My orgasm shatters me as I fuck his hand with my whole body. 

We are breathing heavy and covered with dirt and grass and sticks, and stink of sex. And yet, as we dress ourselves and look at each other we can’t stop smiling, punctuated with little kisses. We sit there on the ground near our tree. I take his hand in mine, “So, Benny-baby, did you get everything you wanted since we first visited this tree together?”

He traces my lips with his thumb, runs his hand to the back of my neck and pulls our foreheads together. “You said, ‘And I’m going to feel it and touch it and taste it and love you in every way I possibly can before the summer is over’, remember? I will never forget that moment, Jenna. What a promise. But yes,” he kisses me again, “everything and more.” He looks at our hands joined together in our laps, then gazes up at me, eyes shining and silver in the dark. “I just never knew anything like this could happen with two people. I’ve had good sex and dirty sex and silly sex and….but never in such concentration. And never all of it with the same person.” He leans in and kisses me, gentle and sweet. I wrap my arms around him and hold him to me tight, yes, this beautiful man, he is absolutely right.


	10. Summer's End

As the last session of the summer comes to a close, final preparations for closing the season take up a lot of my time. Final vespers with the kids Friday night, staff banquet and midnight canoe trip Saturday, Sunday I take most of the Internationals to the airport for their flight back to New York. Benny flies out Thursday morning for Nepal, so we will have a couple of days together before then. A few days off together at my friend’s lake house and that will be it. It is also Mike’s last week on duty before he packs up and leaves camp for good. Change is never easy, but always leads us in new directions. I just hope I can be strong enough to bend and flex with the change coming my way.

Saturday morning we said goodbye to our last group of campers, happy and tired faces, dirty bodies and dirtier laundry going home with parents who have missed them and can’t wait to hear about all their new adventures. I speak with parents and watch our counselors say their goodbyes to kids they only met a week ago, yet feel like family. Kind faces, hugs, some tears even from the older campers. Such a fleeting thing, summer camp, but we all take it with us, the memories, the experiences, the idea that we can be better; better versions of ourselves, better to one another, better at building a finer world to live in, one person at a time. As camp empties out for the last time this season, staff and counselors scatter for a few hours off before Banquet, except Mike and I, of course. We head to the Lodge to clean up from Pick up day and prepare for the evening’s festivities. I set up the screen and projector for the slide show while Mike arranges tables and chairs. We work in a companionable silence, completing our tasks with enough time to go back to our duplex to decompress and change for the evening.

Grabbing my cigarettes I sit on the edge of my deck, no kids on camp, no need to be discreet about my smoking, and think about the summer and once again I am filled with gratitude. I usually write frequently in my journal, and play guitar and read in my spare time, though I have willingly dedicated all my spare time this summer to Benny. I know there will be plenty of time for those creative pursuits in the off season, in fact I am counting on them to help me get through the coming weeks. Smiling to myself, I take a moment to appreciate the bitter-sweetness of my emotions, “Better to have loved and lost…” yeah, and pain makes pleasure brighter and more appreciated. Or some crazy shit like that. But I wouldn’t trade a moment, nor will I spend these last few days being sad. Onward, Jenna, you masochist.

I shower and shave and, oh shit, that coconut lotion, of course. Dressing in a short, sleeveless blue and white flowered dress that hugs my curves, but is clean and classy-looking, I pull my hair back in a low, side ponytail that hangs over my right shoulder. Applying a bit of eye shadow and the lip gloss Benny loves and I am ready for the evening ahead. Slipping into my blue flip flops I head over to the Lodge to start setting out the food. Kitchen staff has the night off, but prepared trays and dishes for the banquet ahead of time. I set the sound system to the local classic rock station as I started setting up in the kitchen. Pulling the trays of cold cuts and bowls of potato salad and coleslaw out of the walk-in fridge, I hear that voice….

“Hello? Can I help with that?” Benny smiles, wrinkles creasing his face, so beautiful. “You’re not going to drop it this time are you?” We laugh, and kiss, and he takes the trays from me to place out on the counter. I take a moment to watch him walk away, hair damp, curls neatly combed in place, light blue chambray shirt, sleeves rolled up to the elbow. Tan arms and hands, dark jeans and those goddamn boots. What the hell? How can he be so freaking sexy all the damn time? I remember that first night here, he was so sweet and shy, tentative but brave. And now? Still sweet, and brave, but now confident and assertive. Camp did something for him too.

He turns to me, “Like what you see, love?” His voice a little lower and purring at me like a big damn cat. He moves towards me, pinning me with those quicksilver eyes of his, so very crystalline blue tonight in that shirt. “I like the way you look in that dress, Jenna.” Whispers in my ear, “Can’t wait to peel it off you.” He kisses my neck and presses his hand to the small of my back, “C’mon, Beautiful, back to work.” I am the one who feels shy and tentative now. How weird is that?

Mike comes in as we are putting the last of the food out. The three of us set up the drink station and welcome our staff as they start arriving. The atmosphere is relaxed and social as we eat and chat and everyone shares memories, high points and silliness from the summer we just finished. Talk turns to where everyone goes from here, college, abroad, back to work, continuing on at Zephyr. A couple of the staff hand out silly awards, we watch the slideshow Mike put together of the whole summer. There are tears and laughter as we see the faces of the kids we impacted this year.

The night finishes with a closing circle, I ask each person to think of one thing they want everyone to know, how camp has affected them. We turn the lights out as each person speaks they light their candle from the person next to them. Dark and dim at first, I start with a single lit candle and thank them for their blood, sweat and tears on behalf of so many kids, and that I am honored to carry on their good work. As each person speaks, the room is filled with light, beautiful, heartfelt words and shining eyes as the power of our work becomes evident. The circle finishes with Mike as he says his thank you’s and goodbyes to a place and group of people he has dedicated the last 10 years of his life to. I ask each person in the room to carry this light we have created together out into their corner of the world, keep shining, keep leading, keep making a profound difference each and every day. And we blow out our candles.


	11. And the End of Us

Sunday afternoon and Benny and I are in my car traveling north to Lake Waynoka, where we have a lake house to ourselves for the next few days. Thanks to my good friend, James, who has offered his parents’ place, since it sits empty during the week anyway, it is the perfect place for us to spend some time alone together before he leaves on Thursday. The time has come for us to talk about what has happened between us, and prepare to move on from here.

The ride takes about two hours, and we listen to music and talk of inconsequential things, friends and funny stories. Rolling into the small town, we stop at a grocery store to pick up supplies, as once we settle in I don’t want to leave until it is time to head home. We shop together, picking out things we both like to eat and drink, extra condoms and he picks out a bouquet of flowers. Such a romantic, this one. 

10 minutes later we pull up to the small white house at the end of a one-lane road. The house has a large master bedroom on the first floor, and two smaller bedrooms upstairs, a spacious screened in porch, small yard with two large trees and a cement patio area all along the lakefront. We carry in our groceries and put things away, unpacking our bags and putting fresh sheets on the bed from the linen closet. We work quietly together, stopping frequently to wrap our arms around each other, share kisses and touches and sigh quietly in each other’s arms. I am trying very hard not to allow sadness to rule my heart in these last days with him. It has never been so fraught with heaviness before….

I send Benny out to build us a fire, while I cook us up some dinner. Sauteing up some onions and peppers with the slices of smoked sausage, the pasta comes to a boil. Adding some olive oil and Parmesan cheese, I plate up our food, grab a couple bottles of beer and head out to the chairs by the fire. Benny is sitting in one of the Adirondack chairs, smoking and looking out across the lake. He smiles up at me, takes his plate and beer and says, “I have good memories with you and lakeside views, Jenna.” I smile back, lean down to kiss his sweet lips. So gorgeous.

We eat quietly, enjoying the crackle of the fire, the soft lapping of water against the stone wall. He "mmm’s" and “yum’s” as he eats, and the cold beer goes down easy. I ask him, “Benny, I told you my stories, what about you? Great loves and romance?” 

He huffed a laugh, “I don’t know if I would use the word ‘great’, but our experiences form us, yes. I suppose I would say I’ve been in love four times.” 

“Four? So many for one so young…” I tease him just a bit. Setting my plate aside I light a cigarette and settle in to listen to that beautiful, elegant voice.

“Shut up, woman, do you want to hear it or not?” I nod and smile at him. “Well, Audrey and I started dating when we were 13, just babies. We went to different schools, of course, but our parents were friends so we saw quite a bit of each other during holidays from school. She was adorable and sweet, and we just crushed quite hard on one another, kissing and petting every chance we had together, writing letters and telephone calls during school term. Everyone thought we were the cutest couple, of course our parents were thrilled, making all sorts of future plans when they thought we weren’t listening. We were together about, oh eight months, I suppose, when things started to get really physical between us. We started to sneak around as much as possible, couldn’t keep our hands off each other. Our first time, we were in Sussex, visiting family friends. Everyone had gone out and we had the place to ourselves. It was awkward and sweet, and I came too quickly, and she was embarrassed...pretty typical. But we loved each other, we thought at the time. As much as you can when you are 14, yes?”

I smiled and agreed. “Hold that thought, Baby, need another beer?” He nodded so I headed back to the house, bringing out a bucket with some ice and more beer bottles. “This way we don’t interrupt the narrative…” I gesture to him to continue. 

He opens a fresh bottle, “Every time we saw each other after that, it was all about the sex. For me anyway. I realize now that girls are different, and I was probably at fault in the failure of our relationship. I wanted to shag every time I saw her, and while at first she agreed, she resisted me more and more and eventually we just sort of gave up. I wasn’t giving her what she needed and she wasn’t giving me what I wanted. So we broke up. I don’t think either of us was particularly heartbroken at that point, it seemed it had just run its course.”

I nod, “Young love will do that sometimes. She sounds like a nice girl, what happened with her later?”

He takes a drink and lights a cigarette, “She is in uni, studying veterinary science, engaged I think. Doing well, I hope. We have no hard feelings, still see each other occasionally at family events.”

“And the second?” I open another beer as I watch the sun start to dip below the edge of the lake. 

“Well, that one is short and sweet. And mostly one-sided, but still. Her name is Sarah, and she was my bad girl. She was fast, and I could barely keep up. We had a ton of fun, and a ton of sex, but she was really dominant. She like to boss me around, and while I liked the sex, and I thought I was in love, I ended up getting into some weird shit with her, and I was slacking at school and stuff. Pretty quickly she got bored with me and went in another direction. I was a little heartbroken with that one, she left me for something better, more exciting. A bit of a bruise to my ego. But yeah, it was an adventure.” 

“The last one, Mina, ended about a month before I came to the States. We had been together for about six months. Nice girl, I met her at a charity event my parents were involved in. We dated casually for a couple of months then got more serious when we started a sexual relationship. I loved her, I could see a future for us. She was very independent, pursuing a career in fashion. We were pretty good together, but she absolutely could not understand why I needed to travel and experience the world before Uni, she became really angry that I wasn’t following her plan, that we would move in together and study and ….whatever. I realized that while I loved her, she loved the idea of what I might be. It made me very sad, but I knew I needed to keep moving along my path. And better to find out now that she didn’t support my decisions, rather than later.” He looked down at his hands, clasped in his lap. I saw him take a deep breath, then reach for another beer and smile up at me, a bit weakly. These revelations had taken a toll on him in the telling. I handed him the pack and he took a cigarette and lit it. His hands shook just a bit, I was surprised, maybe he was still in love with Mina? That talking about it shook him so? But wait…

He said ‘four times’....”Benny….” my voice just barely a whisper, “You said you have been in love four times…?” He blew out smoke and stared out over the water.

“Yeah, Jenna, knew you would get there….” he continued staring out over the lake. “Not sure I’m ready to talk about that one yet.” Then he turns those startling, intense eyes on me, pinning me to my chair. “And I know you’re not.” He gets up and walks down to the water’s edge, smoking and standing there, lit by the fingernail moon, and remnants of the sunset. I drop my head into my hands and try to breathe deeply, gathering my courage. He is the brave one, I have stopped him from saying...things. Things we don’t have the time, or space, or future to handle. But he won’t back down from something that scares him. So now I need to meet his courage, and admit to myself that ignoring it, pushing those emotions away all summer long...has hurt him. Just what I was trying to avoid in the first place, goddammit.

I stand and walk to him, notice a slight movement in his shoulders as he faces away. “Benny,” I say to him softly as I wrap my arms around him from behind, pressing my face against his warm, firm back. “Benny, my love, I am so sorry.” I say into the fabric of his soft shirt. “I never meant to hurt you.” He tosses his cigarette down, putting it out under his shoe, and I feel him take a deep breath as he covers my hands with his large warm fingers. 

“With great joy, also comes loss and grief. That’s part of life, Jenna. I thought you knew that.” His voice is deep and smooth, and there is no anger there, just sadness. He turns to me, running his hands down my arms to take my hands in his. “So you asked, and I am going to tell you. And this time, Jenna, you are not going to stop me, yeah?”

I looked up into his beautiful face, eyes clear and purposeful, lips full, but pressed together tensely. I nod without breaking eye contact, he breathes sharply through his nose. And he speaks. “I love you, Jenna. I. Love. You. Like I have never loved before. I love everything about you, how you look, how you laugh, how you work so hard everyday. How you talk to yourself, usually with colorful swear words. How you cook for me, and care for me. The way you look at me, the way you look at the world and your place in it. God, the way you look under me, and on top of me, and the way you give yourself totally to our….connection. Making love to you is like nothing I have ever experienced. And I know we don’t have much time, that we’re not really looking at happily ever after, but God, woman, if I couldn’t say this to you….if we parted before this could be expressed it might make it seem less real. And I need this to be real, for the rest of my days I will be looking for someone who makes me feel the way you do.” Oh my God. He is perfection.

And he kisses me with such tenderness, such love. I cannot hold back the tears, so they flow between us, as we sink together to the cement below us at the water’s edge. On our knees, we hold each other’s faces and kiss and cry and taste each other’s tears. He wraps me in his long arms and pulls me tight to his chest. I am sobbing and he holds me. For a long while, it takes me time to calm down, I have held my emotions so tightly for months now. And he holds on, how he knows what to do, I will never know, but he knows. 

As I calm down, he relaxes his hold. I laugh as I wipe tears from my face, “Are you sure you’re not going to be a writer? That was the most eloquent, exquisite declaration I have ever heard.” He smiles and kisses me again. 

He whispers, “I’ve been working on it for a bit...I couldn’t help but list in my head all the wonderful things you are. And it just came out, like something I memorized for a play, only it’s not drama, it’s real. Very real.” We sit back, facing each other cross-legged. I take his hands in mine. I know it is my turn, and I will not be as eloquent or rehearsed. Just honest. That’s all I can be. 

“Benny, I knew I was falling in love with you many, many weeks ago. Before we made love the first time, maybe the moment you squeezed my hand in the dark forest and I could smell your clean, delicious scent. And I knew how dangerous it could be. I was seventeen when I fell in love and thought I was making someone happy. I wanted you, so badly. But I also wanted to protect you from being hurt because of my want. I didn’t want you to fall in love with me, because I am staying here, in Ohio, running this camp, probably for the rest of my life. And you have such a bright future, and it will be far away from here. But your sweetness, your passion, your unbearable sexiness….I couldn’t help it. And I fell for you. But I allowed you to fall for me. I don’t want you to hurt, Benny, I actually considered behaving badly, so you could leave here and get on with your life. But I knew you would see through that, and it would cheapen our time and memories.

“So here it is, Benny. You gorgeous, perfect man. And now I know that loving you is the most natural and most honest thing I could ever do. So know this, from the depth of my soul, I love you. I love your shy smile, the way you duck your head when you are pleased, I love the freedom and joy you brought to your work with kids this summer. I love the way you say the most amazing things. I love every part of your beautiful face and perfect body. I love the way your eyes change color, and your lips tell me everything that is going on in that amazing mind of yours. I love the way you make my body sing and shatter. I love the change in you when you are about to come, and you give me that look and I see the man you are becoming. And I love that I got to be the one that loved you all summer long. And I will always love the perfection that is you, Benedict Cumberbatch, sweet and sexy, funny and kind. So for the next couple of days, let’s love the hell out of each other, what do you say? And when it’s time we’ll take that love and carry it with us, a tiny part of our hearts loving each other forever.” And I kiss him, and taste his tears at my words. And it is so beautiful, and painful. And perfectly worth it.

We spend days and hours showing each other how much we love. We leave the lakeside that night, hand in hand, to the bed awaiting us, and with hands and lips and tongues and bodies we express our love for each other in every way we can think of. He enters me, smooth and gentle, and whispers, “I love you, Jenna.” I wrap my legs around his body and scream as I come, “God, Benny, I love you so.” We hardly sleep, spending most of our time worshiping at the altar of one another, every part of us exposed and vulnerable. And it is beautiful and a bit tragic, as well. There are tears, I cry when he kisses my fingertips. He sobs as he fucks me so hard I scream his name. There is laughter and silliness, as we try to cook food for ourselves, buck naked in the middle of the night. Laying side by side in the sun by the lake, drinking cherry wine and telling each other all the things we love about one another.

In the early morning light of our last day, we make love slowly, sweetly, savoring each touch and kiss, and moving together without concern about driving to orgasm. Memorizing each other, the feel of skin, the taste of intimacy, the way we breathe and the sounds we make together. He is above me, holding himself taut and tense on the edge. We are staring into each other’s eyes, drowning in our love for each other, I am holding my hips up to his body, there with him in every sense. He whispers, “Oh god, Jenna, love me, baby.” I do, with my hips and my insides squeezing him so hard, his cock so deep in me as I pulse up into him.

“I do, Benny, yes my love, I do, I do, I do. Fuck! Yeah, fuck me baby, You know I love it.” and he comes into me with a long exquisite moan of my name and we hold there, not wanting it to ever end. 

But it does, and we face it bravely, knowing the hard part comes later. We shower and pack and clean up, leaving a nice thank you note and gift for our hosts. Driving home we are quiet mostly, but comfortable in the quiet. Soft touches, soft words. It goes quickly, like time is speeding up, running out. We get back to camp in time to do some laundry and grill out on my back deck, sharing a few beers and smokes before heading to my bed for one last night. We are exhausted, wrung out. But still loving on one another as best we can. Soft, intimate sweet lovemaking in the early morning hours. Long kisses and endless caresses of skin and hair, staring into each other’s eyes full of love and devotion. 

So the time comes, I take him to the airport, where we try to keep our shit together for a last embrace. “Benny, I love you,” I said, taking his face in my hands. “Be well, take care, and know that it is always there. My love for you will follow you wherever you go.” A lingering, gentle touch of lips. 

“You have made me a man, Jenna, and a better man for having been loved by you. I will never forget what loving you has done for me. You will always know that I love you, don’t ever forget how fiercely I love you.”

One more kiss...and he is gone.


	12. Epilogue: 17 years later

It is the middle of the night, late March in southern Ohio. We had just finished two days of our annual camp clean up in preparation for the coming summer. I was exhausted, physically and mentally. So when my phone rings in the early morning hours, I am tempted to let it go to voicemail….then I see it is Molly, ringing from Sydney. No wonder, I laugh to myself, she never was very good at figuring the time difference…

Mols and I worked together at camp for three years, she became my Assistant Director and right-hand woman, and by far the best friend I ever had. We generally talk twice a year, just before the start of camp each June, and around Christmas. So when I see her number on this dark March morning, my first thoughts are that something is wrong. I pull my cell free of it’s charger and swipe the answer icon, “Molly? Are you okay?”

“Jennnnaaa! Good morning, loveee!” She sounds so close, though half the world away.

“Well, good morning to you too, you crazy ditz, you do know it’s two a.m. here?” I can tell from her tone of voice that she is okay, there is no emergency. I swing my legs out of bed, give a long stretch and carry my phone with me to the bathroom.

“Oy, Jenna, I am sorry to wake you, love. But I had to tell you something and it just COULDN’T WAIT.” She was shouting at me, but her excitement was helping me wake up. As I finished in the bathroom I headed to my kitchen to start some coffee.

“Alright then, Mols, whatcha got?” She was back living in Australia, with her partner, Susan. They were talking about getting married when Molly and I last spoke, I hoped her news was good…

“Now I know this is going to sound crazy, Jenna, but I need you to watch a TV show for me.” She almost sounded a little embarrassed by her request. “I promise you won’t be sorry, and that you will forgive me for waking you so early.”

I laugh into the phone, “Alright, I guess you’ve earned the right to bring your craziness into my life. What is it?” 

She said, “You need to watch BBC Sherlock, Jenna. And I am going to send you a text. And dammit you are going to do something with it, do you understand me?” Her voice had only taken that tone with me one other time….and that was a very dark time indeed. 

“Alright, love. I can do that. I’m off today so I will see what I can manage. So tell me, how have things been with you?” We chatted about life and mutual friends and jobs, and I updated her on all the happenings at camp. 

Signing off, she said, “BBC Sherlock, Jenna. And check for my text. Later, my darling!” As we hang up, I know there’s only one thing, one person this could be about. And oh, all these years later….

Heading to the kitchen I pour myself another cup of coffee. Walking out to my screened in porch with my cigarettes I ponder the years in between. I am still here at Zephyr, Executive Director now. I live in the much more spacious, newly renovated Director’s residence, the old duplex I shared with Mike long ago is now an updated Health Center. In the last seventeen years I have overseen camp’s development, new buildings, programs and offerings. I am proud of what we have accomplished over the years, and each day I look forward to more good work. I am still single, well, unmarried anyway. For the last four years, I have been in a very comfortable and satisfying relationship with Nick, bartender at Lucky’s. He is divorced and has two great kids, boys who are teenagers now, that I love like my own. We don’t live together, but have a weird family vibe all our own. Life is good. 

Pulling out my phone, I google “BBC Sherlock” and click on ‘images’. For a moment I stop breathing as his face fills my screen. Oh God, my Benny.

 

A few hours later I sit down to watch the first episode of Sherlock, and when I see him in the lab at Bart’s, throwing John Watson a saucy wink, I just lose it. He is 33 now, and every inch the beautiful, perfect man I knew he was becoming. Watching him on my screen I am smiling through my tears. It is such a strange character, his Sherlock Holmes, so different from the smiling, enthusiastic boy I once knew. But I could see him in there, along with the phenomenal talent he brought to his acting. Acting. So he did indeed follow his path. Good for you, Benny, my love. 

Seeing my phone blink with a message I opened the text from Molly.  
“Lovely chatting with you earlier, dear. This is an old email address, but might still work. Use it, girl. Hugs, m.”  
bennyc@co.uk

So before I could talk myself out of it, I composed a short email and sent it off.

“My dearest Benny, your Sherlock is a work of art, as you have always been. I can’t tell you how brilliant you are, but know that little part of my heart swells with pride and love for you as if seventeen years haven’t passed us by. Keep shining, my love. Your Jenna.”

 

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it, folks. Thanks for reading!


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